


star-crossed & moon drunk

by NalgeneWhore



Series: star-crossed & moon drunk [1]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Punk, Co-Parents, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Photographer!Lorcan Salvaterre, Repressed Feelings, Rewrite, Slow Burn, Tattoo Artist!Elide Lochan, best thing ive ever written., elide n lorcan r dummies in luv but they r "not" in luv for self preservation reasonzzzz, i lurv her, i luv this project so much., she's adorbzzzz, stella is obsessed with wednesday addams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:01:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28442832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore
Summary: Six years ago, Elide met Lorcan, and five years later, they’re sending their daughter to kindergarten. For half a decade, they’ve hidden it all, they’ve repressed their feelings to survive, but now… they’ll either get everything they’ve ever wanted or ruin it all to the point of no return.
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre, Emrys/Malakai (Throne of Glass), Essar/Manon Blackbeak, Fenrys/Nehemia Ytger, Lysandra/Nesryn Faliq, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: star-crossed & moon drunk [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2072547
Comments: 28
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

As he sat at his gate, he watched the other people. Something about airports had always intrigued him, so many people in their own lives, on their own paths all converging to this one place before jetting off once more. 

Lorcan was restless. On the arm of the uncomfortable chair, his fingers tapped out a furious beat. The monotonous drone of the phone line ringing in his ear didn’t help. _Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. I miss your voice and I need you to pick up so I don’t lose my fucking–_

 _“What,_ the fuck _, do you want?”_

He chuckled, “Good morning to you too, princess.” Inside his chest, his heart fluttered. Fuck, he missed her. He missed both his girls. The minute they’d dropped him off at the airport eight weeks ago, he’d been itching to go home. 

_“I told you not to call me that.”_ There wasn’t any bite to her words and Lorcan knew - hoped - that she was wearing that soft, sleepy smile of hers. 

He hummed, stretching his long legs out and crossing them at the ankle, “Tell me to stop without smiling and I’ll stop. Easy-peasy, Lochan.” 

Elide just muttered a curse in Blackbeak and sighed as if talking to him was some sort of divine torture, _“Why are you calling? It’s not even three yet, Lor.”_ Instantly, remorse flooded through him. He’d forgotten completely about the time difference and told her as much. _“Mmm, it’s fine. Did something happen?”_

“Nah, I just wanted to say hey before my flight. I’m sorry for waking you up,” he said. Lorcan ran his tongue over his teeth. “I’ve… I miss you two.” 

The teasing, light mood dropped a bit. Lorcan could hear her breathing slowly and then she answered, her voice weaker than normal, _“I know, Lor.”_ Her swallow was audible. _“We miss you too.”_ Before he could respond, before he could offer her any sort of fleeting comfort, Elide spoke again, _“Hold on one second, ok?”_

She was gone before he could respond. Lorcan could hear something rustling, like someone slipping out of a bed. He froze, hardly daring to breathe. She wouldn’t- Elide and Lorcan both knew better than to have someone over when they had the kid with them. 

There was soft murmuring he couldn’t quite make out and the unmistakable whine of their daughter. Lorcan slumped down in relief, cursing himself for this… jealousy. It wasn’t fair. _“Hello?”_ snapped Stella Luna.

He chuckled, delighted by his child’s greeting, “Hey, Tiny.” 

She gasped and that innocent sound, filled with childlike wonder and elation, soothed his aching heart. _“Daddy?”_

“Hi, Stella. I’m sorry I woke you up so early, I wanted to say hey before I get on the plane,” Lorcan explained with a smile. Thinking about Elide that summer had been painful enough, knowing he was so far from her, but it was nothing compared to the agony of missing his daughter. 

_“Are you coming home today? ‘Cause I got kindergarten tomorrow, Daddy. Mama said you would take me,”_ Stella said. 

“Yes, I’m coming home today. I’ll take you to school tomorrow, ok?”

 _“Ok, Daddy. I’ve been_ very _busy, you know. Yesterday we went shopping and at Mintage, mama found me a Wednesday Addams lunch box,”_ Stella regaled, her words dripping with wonder and awe. _“I’m so excited ‘acause I love Wednesday Addams, Daddy, did you know? We watched it last night at Fenny’s house ‘acause he let_ me _choose. He said he was sick of the Addams family and that’s why I called him a dummy.”_

He laughed, pausing for a moment to listen to the PA. _“Passengers boarding Flight 1203 to Varese, please make your way to gate C49. Passengers in zone one, please line up at the boarding desk.”_

_“What was that? It sounded funny, Daddy, like a robot,”_ Stella said. 

“My plane’s getting ready to take off, Stel, they want everyone to come to the gate,” Lorcan explained. “How was Fen’s?” 

_“Oh,”_ she started, _“it was very good, Daddy. After the movie, he taked me to his show an’ I wanted to bring Salem but it’s too loud for him so I sat with Essar and she got me a juice box when I was thirsty. I think it was a secret ‘acause they only give them to me. It was grape which is my favourite, but I didn’t want to finish all of it so Vee drinked it after his show. Then Fenny and me and Con and Vee went to Grampy’s and I fell asleep so Fenny took me home.”_

_“Passengers in zone two, please line up at the front desk.”_

Lorcan checked his boarding pass, “Kid, I have to get on my plane now, ok?” 

_“Ok,”_ Stella replied, a little sadly. _“I miss you.”_

The corners of his lips turned down. Lorcan hung his head, opening and closing his mouth a few times as he tried to think of what he could say to comfort his child. Eventually, he said, “I know, Stella Luna. I miss you too. I promise - once I’m home, no more tours, ok? I love you.” 

_“Love you too, Daddy,”_ she chirped, already his happy, bubbly little baby again. _“Bye-bye!”_

“Bye, Tiny. Put your mother on for me,” Lorcan said, laughing through the sentence. He could hear Stella Luna hand the phone over to Elide. 

_“Yes_ , _you can sleep now,”_ Elide said with a kiss smacked on Stella’s head. _“Lor, you still there?”_

“Yeah, ‘m here. I have to get on the plane now.” 

_“Ok. Do you want us to pick you up from the airport?”_

Though it pained him to say it and further delay their reunion, Lorcan said, “No, don’t bother. I’ll be tired and I’ll probably just crash when I get home. I’ll see you tomorrow, though.”

_“Can’t wait, Salvaterre.”_

He smiled a small smile, one that was only ever for Elide, “Me neither, Lochan.” 

☽ ☼ ☾

He woke up somewhere high above the Cambrian Mountains. For a few moments, Lorcan stared out the small window, groggy and confused. 

It took him a second to remember what was happening and why he was on a plane. When he finally did recall, Lorcan pulled his laptop out of his camera bag and placed it on the desk. The band he’d been working with over the summer had bought him a seat in business class for both his flights home. 

Lorcan shifted in his seat and absentmindedly toyed with the curved barbell that pierced the delicate skin connecting his upper lip to his gum as he waited for his computer to turn on. He leaned down, searching through his bag for the USB that carried every shot he’d taken in concert that summer. 

He found it and sat up straight. A small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as he saw the background of his laptop. He hadn’t changed it in the three years since the photo of Elide tattooing Stella’s name in Ozuye on the outside of his right thumb while he held a sleeping Stella Luna to his chest with his free arm had been taken. The tattoo was his favourite, though it probably tied for first place with the cartoon-inspired Wednesday Addams on his inner left wrist. 

The placement of both designs had been purposeful, so when he was shooting something, he could see them clearly and think about his daughter. He had never met anyone who loved the Addams family more than Stella. 

Lorcan put his headphones on and played a playlist at random. _Pink + White_ played as he opened Photoshop and uploaded a file he hadn’t even looked at yet. The photos weren’t needed for another month, but he would rather get them done now so he could focus on the upcoming studio show. 

He still hadn’t decided what or who his subject would be. Maybe he would take a break from concerts and focus on something else.

For the rest of the flight, he worked to distract himself from the fact that he’d be seeing Elide again. It hardly made any difference, his mind on her like always. Lorcan had been in love with Elide for… forever. He finally realised it, though, a couple weeks before she had their daughter. 

He had wanted… he had wanted a family with her. A real one, where Stella wouldn’t be perpetually split between two homes, but Elide hadn’t wanted that and Lorcan respected her wishes. Maybe it was foolish, but six years seemed like long enough to be _pining_ for someone. 

As Lorcan got lost in the thoughts he spent most of his waking hours repressing, a hissing voice that sounded suspiciously like his mother snapped, _Elide Lochan is not ‘someone’ and she is certainly_ not _someone you get over. Ever. Stupid boy._

His lips twisted with a rueful smile, though the memory of his mother ached and stung. Lorcan swallowed past the painful tightening of his throat and saved what he was working on, electing to watch something he’d downloaded on Netflix until they’d landed in Varese.

The air in Varese was balmy and he couldn’t stand it. Lorcan was seconds away from trying to peel his skin off. He had always hated the heat, but this steaming humidity was his hell. 

When his zone was called to board the flight, Lorcan could hardly keep the grin from his face. The thought of seeing his family, no matter how it hurt him to know Stella would come home with him tomorrow and Elide would stay in her apartment, was a joy nothing else had ever replicated. 

His heart seemed to beat a frantic timpani, each pat-pat saying, _wait for me, wait for me, wait for me_. 

☽ ☼ ☾

There was a crick in her neck. Elide muttered a curse with her eyes shut and reached out to her bedside table, only to feel nothing and hear an innocently delighted giggle. 

She smiled and kept her eyes closed. Slowly, Elide reached out, “I wonder who could be laughing right now. And where could they be!” 

There was that little laugh again, though Elide knew her child was doing her absolute best to stay silent. She heard Salem’s meow of protest and Stella’s sweet shushing. 

Staying silent had _never_ been Stella’s strong suit. Elide continued on, now patting the blankets. “Hmm, I do wonder if they could be hiding beneath these blankets!” As she said ‘blankets’, Elide opened her eyes and ripped the covers away. A quick blur of orange and black flashed past as Stella’s fluffy cat was freed and Salem bounded away. 

Stella Luna’s shrieking laughter filled the room, gloomy from the rain that poured steadily against the large, paned windows. Elide laughed too as she grabbed her daughter and pulled her into her lap, her fingers digging into the soft part between Stella’s ribcage and hip bone. Stella squirmed away, begging her to stop, “No, _please,_ mama, it tickles!” 

Elide chuckled softly and relented, choosing instead to gather Stella up in a long hug. “Oh, good morning, little one. How did you sleep, hmm?” She pulled back and brushed her hand through Stella’s hair. 

“Um, I slept good, mama, but I’m really hungry now, so I would like to have breakfast.” 

“We can do that. What do you want to eat?” 

Stella flicked her eyes up to the ceiling. Though her shape was Elide’s ethereal monolid, the colour of rich browns and deep blacks was all Lorcan. “Pancakes, mama. Can we make them look like bats?” 

Elide snorted and nodded, “Of course we can. Why don’t you go wash your hands and we can make them, ok?” 

The four-year old was off before she could even say yes, hurriedly careening into the bathroom. Her mother laughed again, but the care-free sound bled into a pained groan as she stood up and stretched. Elide really needed to stop crashing in her daughter’s bed. 

Stella hollered back from the toilet, “Mama, can we have chocolate chips in the pancakes?”

Elide smiled as she walked through Stella’s room. On the floor, one of Stella’s toys obstructed her path and Elide jammed her toe into a wooden box. She gritted her teeth against the pain and asked, “Will you clean your room today?”

“Uhhh,” Stella contemplated, “I guess. I dunno _why_ , mama, I don’t care if it’s messy, why do you care?” 

“Because your room is messy and you might hurt yourself if you don’t know where something is,” Elide replied steadily. As she pulled on a pair of shorts, she heard little feet race into the kitchen. Elide twisted her hair up and clamped it into place with a hair clip. When she padded into the kitchen, Stella Luna was standing obediently on her stool, her hands clasped like a perfect little child. Elide hooted at the sight, “Oh, you little demon.” 

Stella grinned proudly at the nickname and pushed her wild hair back with both hands. She sighed in annoyance, “Mama, help please. It’s too much.” 

“Of course, witchling,” Elide said. Stella clambered up onto the counter to sit patiently. Elide hummed something soft as she parted her daughter’s hair and weaved two simple pigtails. As she braided, Salem gracefully leapt onto the counter and made himself comfortable in the fruit bowl, resting his chin on his crossed paws like a proper gent. “Better?” 

“Yeah,” Stella chirped as she climbed down and ran to the pantry. She flung the door open, “Mama, is Daddy coming home today?”

“He is. Remember, he called last night, baby,” Elide replied as she pulled out eggs and milk from the fridge. 

“Oh, I thought that was a _dream_ ,” explained Stella. She lugged over the large container of flour, carrying it with both arms and almost tipped over. She decided to put it on the floor and push it to the counter. “I wanna play music!” 

Elide laughed as she picked the flour up and began measuring out the dry ingredients, “Go for it, Stella.” She watched in delight as Stella ran to the record player and sat on the floor in front of it to peruse the stack of records.

A couple moments later, Stella had decided and put the vinyl on. She pranced back over to her stool as music played. “Mama, can I crack a egg, please?” 

_When I met you in the restaurant, you could tell I was no debutante_

“Yes, ma’am,” Elide passed her an egg, “Be careful, you remember what to do, right?” 

“Yup!” Stella delicately cracked the egg on the side of the liquid measuring cup and used her thumbs to open it. The yolk and egg white plopped perfectly into the milk and vanilla. She picked up the whisk and mixed it all up. 

_Dreaming, dreaming is free_

Stella was soon bored and trailed over to the living room. She sat down and started to dance with her frog stuffie, singing along, _“I don’t want to live on charity, pleasure’s real or is it fantasy…”_ Elide grinned at the sight and found the silicone mold in the top drawer.

A few minutes later, Elide slid a stack of bat wing pancakes onto a plate. “Stella? Food’s ready.” 

“Ok, mama,” Stella said. She skipped to the table and climbed onto her chair. “Can I have maple syrup too?” 

Elide had already grabbed the bottle and grabbed a pair of forks drying in the dish rack. She put the plate down and sat, passing Stella her fork. Stella doused the pancakes in maple syrup and attacked viciously, stuffing an entire pancake into her mouth. Elide laughed loudly, “Baby, eat your food properly. C’mon, you know better.” 

Stella grinned around the sticky-sweet mess and chewed thoroughly before swallowing. Elide took the plate and cut the food up into bite-sized pieces before passing it back. The four-year old abandoned her fork in favour of her wee hands and stuffed as many chocolatey-mapley-buttery pieces as she could into her mouth. 

“Good gods, child,” her mother said. “You’ll choke.” Delight surged through her at the sound of Stella’s gleeful laughter, albeit muffled. She grabbed a napkin and reached out, holding her daughter’s chin hostage as she wiped the mess away. “I am so happy your father is coming back, he’ll finally take you off my hands, you gremlin.” 

Stella gasped loudly and wrenched her chin free, “Mama, can we go to the airplane place? I want to surprise Daddy. Pretty please?” 

She made her eyes big and wide, sticking her bottom lip out. Elide cracked immediately, “I think he’d like that, wouldn’t he?” Stella nodded with such vigour Elide half-thought her head would fly off. “We’ll do that later, Stel. Why don’t you finish your breakfast?” 

Stella needed no further prompting. 

☽ ☼ ☾

His bag was the second bag out. Lorcan easily slung the black duffel over his shoulder. He made his way out of the baggage claim and around fellow passengers numbly awaiting their belongings. 

Lorcan thought about pausing, his fingers twitching to grab his camera and freeze the moment. There was something slightly surreal about it all. A voice told him to stop, to do it, but the sweet, pure voice of his baby calling him home was louder. 

He was still listening to _miss star’s jamzzz_ and clicked the ball of the piercing in his tongue against his teeth to the beats. _I’m Not A Loser_ by the Descendents’ played at maximum volume as he strode across the scuffed and dingy linoleum. 

Vaguely, he thought he might’ve heard someone calling for him. Pausing, Lorcan half-pulled a headphone off his ear. He looked around, narrowing his eyes in confusion at the sea of strangers. 

“Daddy!” 

“Kid?” 

A wee one shot out through the passing crowd. Her hair, jet black and thick, curled out of her assumedly once-tight and neat braids. Her eyes were thin and dark, so rich and depthless, framed by long lashes. The little lass seemed to have a piece of the sun setting her warm, coppery complexion aglow from beneath. “ _*Até_ , hi-hi!” 

Stella launched herself up and Lorcan dropped his bag to catch her. He held her tight to his chest, one hand cupping the back of her head. “Tiny, Creator above. I missed you so much, my darling moon.” 

“Hi, Daddy,” Stella whispered, her arms tightly wrapped around his neck. “It’s nice to see you.” 

Lorcan laughed raspily at her formal greeting, “Wow, so fancy, miss Star. ‘It’s nice to see you’, really? You’re killing me, Tiny.” 

She giggled, shaking her head as she pulled back, “No, I’m not fancy, Daddy. I’m _tough_ ,” she snarled, baring her teeth intimidatingly. 

Lorcan laughed again, his head tipping back, “The _toughest_.” 

Stella beamed and abruptly stopped, an outraged gasp escaping her. She grabbed his face and pulled his head back down. When she felt his stubble, Stella Luna pulled a face, “Daddy, you have to shave. It’s scratchy.” 

“What, I thought I looked nice like this, babe,” he said, shifting her to his side. “It’s that bad?” 

She stared at him for a while before slowly shaking her head, “No… it’s ok, Daddy. Mama likes it like that.” Stella laid her head on his shoulder. Lorcan smiled and held her tightly again, his eyes closed. 

For a long moment, neither said a word, until Stella became restless and started peering out around her. “There’s so many people, Daddy.”

“There is,” he agreed. Lorcan brushed something from her cheek and Stella batted his hand away. “So, you learn to drive while I was away, or something?”

“No! I’m still _little_ , Daddy,” Stella Luna corrected him with a giggle. “Mama drived me.” She pointed vaguely towards the entrance, “Mama’s over there and she said, _‘Stella, hold my hand and stay close ‘till we see your dad, ok?’_ but you’re _so_ tall and I sawed your head so I ran and didn’t listen to Mama.” Gasping softly, Stella put her hands over her mouth, “Oh no. Mama! Mama, hello? I am here,” she curled her arm over his shoulder as she craned her head to look around. “Where she go?”

Lorcan looked around as well, loving and hating the way his pulse sped up at the prospect of seeing _her_. “I don’t know where your ma is, maybe she- oh,” Lorcan cut himself off as he saw a familiar flash of long black hair through the crowd. “There she is.”

Through the throngs of passengers and travelers, Lorcan saw a fair skinned, petite woman. Her hair was dark, streaked with purple, and fell to her hips. She left it be in its natural waves, but had it cut into a blunt, pointed fringe that framed her heart-shaped face. Her round, plush lips were painted deep, nearly black, red. They curled into a teasing grin, “Hey, Salvaterre, I see you’ve finally decided to rejoin the rabble! Was the tour too preppy for you, what with all the first class flights and champagne?” 

He laughed and reached out to flick her nose, “Shut your mouth, Lochan. I’m common folk for life.” Elide laughed and Lorcan smiled, “Fuck, I can’t believe that you two came to pick me up.” He pulled Elide into a hug, something finally settling inside him as he held his girls for the first time in two months. 

“No, no swearing, Daddy,” Stella chastised him, her frown disapproving, “Fuck is a bad word. A very bad word and we’re only allowed to say it when we listen to music.”

Elide laughed and slipped her arm around his waist, “A wretched word, really. It’s like you _want_ our daughter to become a menace to society.” 

“Oh, really? And what if our daughter wants to be a menace to society?” 

Stella Luna nodded, sticking her chin out, “Yeah, what if I _want_ to be a menace to society, mama?”

Elide shook her head at the two of them and narrowed her eyes at him, “This is your doing, you know, Lorcan.” Oh… how his heart stopped as his name tumbled from her lips. Lorcan struggled to breathe for a moment and Elide’s warm grin faltered. “Lor? You alright?” 

“Y-yeah, just jet-lag,” he said quickly. Lorcan averted his eyes from Elide’s concerned gaze. Stella Luna wiggled, whining slightly. When she was set down on her feet, she grabbed Lorcan’s hand in one of hers and Elide’s in the other.

“Let’s go!” she shouted, tugging them along with all her might. At fifteen kilos and a solid one-hundred centimetres, it wasn’t much, but her determination made up for it. Over her head, Elide shot Lorcan a smile and a wink. 

Lorcan rolled his eyes and chuckled. Stella skipped and hopped along to Elide’s car. Lorcan tossed his duffel in the trunk as Elide helped Stella into her booster seat and he walked over to the passenger seat. “Daddy,” Stella said, “did you know my birthday is in two months? That means I’m gonna be five whole years.”

“Wow, you’re going to be so _old_ ,” he said dramatically, smiling in the rearview mirror when Stelle’s jaw dropped open and her eyes widened. 

“I don’t want to be old. Old people are yucky. Like you and mom.” Elide and Lorcan looked at each other and burst into gutsy laughter at their daughter’s words. Stella sniffed primly and turned her face to the side, “It’s not funny to be old. Being old means you die. Do you want to die, Daddy?” 

“If I die, I become a ghost and I’ll haunt people,” he said. 

“Would you haunt _me_?” the girl asked, her eyes filled with morbid curiosity. 

Elide huffed a laugh. She turned the car on and smoothly pulled out of her parking spot to the freeway that would take them back to Orynth. “You two are ridiculous. Stella, baby, no one’s haunting you.” 

“Yeah, except for me,” Lorcan ever-so-helpfully stated. 

As Elide exclaimed in annoyance, Stella giggled uncontrollably. The dark haired woman couldn’t help but laugh along and the sound of their laughter soothed the dull ache of missing them. 

☽ ☼ ☾

“ _Até,_ ‘m tired,” said Stella, trailing up to Lorcan. She was all ready for bed, dressed in her Jack Skellington pyjamas. Her dinner of tomato soup and grilled cheese had been devoured an hour ago. Lorcan was in Elide’s kitchen, washing the dishes as Elide worked on a sketch and Stella checked her backpack over and over and over again. She was _not_ going to be caught unprepared for her first day of kindergarten. 

He rinsed off the iron skillet and placed it in the dish rack. Lorcan dried his hands and turned to his daughter, who held her hands up expectantly. With a fond smile, Lorcan scooped her up and asked, “Time for bed? Did you brush your teeth yet?”

“Mm-hmm,” she nodded and dropped her head onto his shoulder. “Daddy, don’t forgot Mr. Ribbit.” Stella said softly, already falling asleep. She clutched at his shoulders, a yawn splitting her little face in half. 

His grin softened and he kissed the top of her head, “Can’t forget your frog, now, can we?” There came a low chuckle from the living room. Elide walked over to them, her pencil stuck in her hair and carrying the fuzzy green animal. She passed the animal to Stella and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Lorcan offered her his hand, “Come with us?” 

Elide nodded and slipped her hand in his. They walked to Stella's room together. She breathed evenly and deeply, her eyes closed. Her lashes brushed the tops of her rosy cheeks. Lorcan set her down with care and tucked her blankets around her. _“Good night, my darling moon,”_ he said softly - in his native tongue - and brushed her hair back before it could tickle the tip of her button nose.

“Night-night,” Stella whispered, her eyes cracking open. “Are you gonna come drive me with mama tomorrow to school?” She snuggled into her pile of pillows and held her blanket up for Salem to settle in beside her. The cat curled up against her and purred softly as he flicked his fluffy tail over her protectively.

“Yes, I am.” 

She nodded, “Good. That’s good, Daddy.” 

“Alright, Tiny,” he laughed softly, “go to sleep, yeah? You’ve had a big day.” He kissed her forehead and stood up to let Elide say good night. 

Elide sat down on the edge of the mattress and cupped Stella’s face in her hand, her words soft and too low for Lorcan to hear. She too chuckled and kissed Stella Luna’s cheek, then got up and stepped over to Lorcan. 

They closed the door and silently walked back to the living room. Lorcan sat down on the couch and rubbed his eyes. Elide curled up in the opposite corner and smiled, “Tired?” 

“Yeah,” he said, dropping his head back against the couch. “Fuck me, I have to go home.” 

“Why don’t you just stay here tonight? You’ll have to come back tomorrow anyway,” Elide said, her voice measured. 

Lorcan looked at her, but her face was turned to the side. “Are you sure, El? I honestly don’t mind and I haven’t been to my place in a while.” 

She glanced over at him, “No, c’mon, it’s fine. It’s not like we’ve never done it.” 

“Done what?” 

Elide shot him a flat look, “Slept in the same bed.” 

Lorcan choked and his eyes widened, “El- what? I was just going to take the–” 

“I swear to Anneith if you say ‘couch’, I’ll strangle you. I’m not making you sleep on my _couch_ when you’ve been gone all summer.” Elide stood up and walked to her bedroom, her hips swinging enticingly. Lorcan quickly looked away. “Besides, my bed is big. I promise I won’t give you my cooties.” 

He snapped his teeth and crossed the room to join her. “Fine. I’ll stay.” 

Elide crossed her arms over her chest and smiled cockily, “I knew you would.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Lorcan said, pulling her into his arms. Her body melted into his. They fit perfectly together. They always had. “You’re always right, aren’t you, princess?” 

Elide hid her smile and slipped her arms around his waist, her cheek pressed above his heart. For a long moment, neither said a word. Then, Elide pressed her forehead against him and whispered. She couldn’t speak any louder, fearing that the tears she’d held back for years would finally spill over. “It’s nice to have you home, Lor.” 

“It’s nice to be home,” he murmured, gently rubbing her back. 

“It wasn’t the same without you.” _It’s never the same without you._

He closed his eyes, hating the tears that blurred his vision. “Wasn’t the same without you, either, Lochan.”


	2. Chapter 2

_ six years _ ago.

“I so am  _ not _ going,” Elide shouted, gripping the slats of her headboard as her roommate pulled on her ankles. “I was at the shop all day, I’m  _ tired _ .” 

“Elide Lochan, get your bodacious bod out of bed and into something spooky,” Aelin commanded, bracing a high-heeled foot against the sideboard. “Get. Up. Now.” Elide groaned and flipped onto her back, blowing her bangs up with a huffed breath. They glared at each other, neither backing down. Aelin clicked her tongue, “Come on, it’s Samhain!”

“All the more reason not to go,” the dark haired girl said, crossing her arms across her chest. “It’s the sabbath - I will not go to your blasphemous boyfriend’s blasphemous party.” 

“You know you love Ro-Ro. And c’mon,” Aelin whined, not above stomping her foot like a petulant child, “it’ll be fun!” 

She sighed loudly and flicked her eyes upwards, “Fine. I’ll  _ go _ .” Elide pushed herself to sitting and stood up. Aelin clapped her hands and collapsed onto the mattress as Elide slunk to her closet and flung the doors open. “I think… goth Barbie. Yes, no?” 

“Yes, yes, yes,” her friend agreed, lounging about as Elide perused her wardrobe.

First, she pulled out her patch jeans _. Not tonight.  _ She looked at a corset dress and hummed, her head tilted to the side, “Maybe…” Elide unhooked a PVC pencil skirt and spun to Aelin, “Thoughts?” 

Aelin propped herself up on her elbows, her brilliant eyes narrowed in scrutiny, “Ooh, with your new corset and the red top with the sleeves?” She made a vague gesture to represent the long sleeves. “Oh, wait, let me get you some shoes. I have the perfect boots.” Her long hair was a flash of gold as she launched herself up and out of Elide’s room. 

Elide tossed her outfit onto her now vacated bed and sat at her vanity, fluffing her layered pixie-shag hair cut. She plugged in her hair straightener and as she waited for it to heat, she started on her make-up. 

When the door was slammed open, Elide held her finger up. She filled in her wicked sharp eyeliner and used the tip of her ring finger to smudge some along her lower lash line. Then she stood up and turned, eyes landing on the red patent leather ankle boots. “Are those them?” 

“Mm-hmm, how perfect are they,” Aelin asked, passing them to Elide. “I’ve been meaning to give these to you - they’re too small for me.” 

“Ae, these are gorgeous,” Elide gushed, picking one up and running her fingers over it. “They’re beautiful, are you sure?” She hugged it to her chest, softly petting it. 

Brilliant laughter spilled from Aelin’s glossy lips, “Yes, take them, please. I never wear them, I only bought them ‘cause they were, like, seventy-five percent off.” 

“Oh, I love love love you,” Elide sang. She picked up her phone and opened her music, choosing a playlist at random. Her hips swayed to the bouncing beat of  _ I’m Gonna Love You Too _ and Aelin laughed, singing along and dancing around. 

Elide picked up her straightening iron and held it like a microphone, dramatically reaching towards her roommate,  _ “You’re gonna say you’ve a-missed me, you’re gonna say you’ll a-kiss me…” _

_ “Yes, you’re gonna say you’ll a-love me, ‘cause I’m a-gonna love you too,” _ Aelin sang, shimmying her shoulders. 

Elide sat and hummed as she revamped her layers, curling them upwards into horn-like wisps. She clicked the straightener off and stood up, laughing and joking with Aelin as she got dressed. Once the underbust corset belt was snug and tied, Elide zipped her skirt up and smoothed any fussy wrinkles away. She twirled and popped her hand on her hip, “Well?” 

Aelin studied her. Then she stood up and plucked the toy tiara Elide had once used in a costume and put it on her head. “There.” 

Elide turned around and looked at herself in the mirror, fixing the tiara. “And now?”

“Be still, my foolish heart,” Aelin proclaimed, tapping her hand over her chest in an imitation of her beating heart. “You look absolutely ravishing, darling girl.” 

Elide smiled and held her hand out, “Shall we? It’d be rude of the host’s girlfriend to be late.” 

Aelin slung her arm around Elide’s waist and pulled her towards the door, “I thought I told you already, I’m  _ never _ late. Everyone else is simply early.” 

“Oh, yes, how could I have forgotten?” 

“I haven’t the  _ faintest _ idea, Elide,” she sniffed, primly turning her nose up. “Everyone should listen to what I say all the time. How else will the world turn round right?” 

“You are my favourite person in the world, golden girl,” Elide laughed. 

“I better be, I put a roof over your head and booze in your stomach.” 

Elide laughed again and unscrewed the lid off the vodka bottle, pouring them both generous shots in the bottom of two random glasses. She passed Aelin hers and lofted her own, “To…?” 

“Being, young, wicked smart, fucking  _ hot _ and having zero responsibilities!” 

☽ ☼ ☾

As he walked up the pathway to the creaking, booming house, he could feel countless sets of eyes burning into him. He rolled his shoulders and resisted the urge to glare at those staring. Honestly, he should’ve been used to it by now. It was either his height, his hip-length hair in a loose braid, or his… aggressive wardrobe. 

Fenrys, the little shit, told him it was because of the frown on his face, but Lorcan didn’t believe him. He never had a shortage of offers, from whomever he so wanted and so chose. He thought it was because people considered him to be a challenge, a lost and wandering soul to tether. 

Lorcan was just genuinely disinterested. That twelfth grade pipsqueak didn’t know what he was talking about. Lorcan regretted the day he ever agreed to let the high schooler’s band play a show at the club. The boy fell in love every single day with a new person. 

Almost as if he had summoned him, someone familiar crashed into his back, lanky legs wrapping around his torso and reedy arms locking around his neck. Lorcan groaned and shook the kid off, “Fen, fuck off. Go home, you have school tomorrow.” 

The dark-skinned boy hopped around to face him, a maniacal grin splitting his face in two, “No, sir, I got a pro-D day tomorrow. I’m up all night, all  _ night _ , boy!” Fenrys howled and Lorcan shook his head at him, muttering something rude. Fenrys slung his arm around Lorcan’s waist, “Say, what are you doing here, Lor? I didn’t think the law students let anarchists in their  _ fêtes _ , as it were.” 

“See, my plan is to stay until they toss me out on my ass. I think I’m pretty unnoticeable, yeah?” 

Fenrys laughed and slapped Lorcan’s back, over his patch jacket, “Yeah, thank the gods that you don’t have a huge red ‘A’ on the back of your coat or whatever.” Lorcan snorted. “I mean, you’re not all master of disguise like me.”

Lorcan eyed the spikes Fenrys had styled his kinky, dense hair into and chose not to comment. “How was your show tonight?” 

“Dude!” Fenrys shouted, “It was crazy. I thought my arms would fall off.” 

The boy started imitating playing the drums, violently, and Lorcan shook his head, “Come on, kid, let’s go.” He slung his arm across Fenrys’ shoulders and steered the drummer into the kitchen. Under the lights, Lorcan saw a flash of silver-blond hair, “Look, there’s Rowan, go talk to him.” 

“Yo, Whitethorn,” Fenrys yelled, his hands cupped around his mouth. Lorcan rubbed his eyes, muttering something. Rowan turned around and smiled, lifting his hand to wave. He grabbed something and made his way over to them. 

“Hey, man,” Lorcan said. 

“Hey, guys, thanks for coming,” Rowan said, passing Lorcan a can of beer. “You just get here?” 

“Yeah,” Lorcan said, “I had some stuff for class and Fen had a show.” 

Rowan nodded, “Oh, you know what, you should tell me when your next show is so I can come.” He looked so eager, so earnest, Lorcan almost felt bad for him. 

Fenrys roared with laughter and cuffed Rowan’s shoulder, “That’s fuckin’ funny, man, I’m going to go see if I can find Ashryver.” He departed, his head bopping to the beat of the music. 

Rowan turned to Lorcan, his brows furrowed, “Funny? Why?” 

Lorcan pressed his lips together to avoid smiling, “I think that Fenrys is saying that his music… it isn’t really your style, ya dig? It’s very nice of you to support him, but c’mon, Rowan. You went to one show last year and were scared to touch anything. Now we have to go find Fen ‘cause I’m not dropping him off at home wasted again. Emrys will beat me to death and cook me.”

His silver-haired friend laughed and they walked to where they could see Fenrys’ bleached-blond liberty spikes sticking above everyone else’s head. He was standing at one end of a ping-pong table, opposite two stunning women. The dark-haired one caught Lorcan’s eye and he stared for a moment, trying to figure out where he recognised her from. 

“Salvaterre, do you want to keep drooling over my little sister or do you want to play?” 

“I hope you choke to death on Rowan’s dick, Ash,” Lorcan replied evenly. He didn’t turn his gaze from the girl, who stared back at him, her eyes brazenly surveying him. Lorcan saw the challenge in her eye melt into heated appreciation. He ducked his head to hide his barely-there grin from Aelin’s hawkish glare and bounced a ping-pong ball off the table, “Are we playing or do you just want to keep guarding your sister’s virginity for eternity?”

The woman standing next to Aelin cackled with delight and leaned over the table, “It’s a little too late for that, but it gives her a sense of purpose now. I’m Elide, if you ever want to stop referring to me as ‘Aelin’s little sister’.”

He laughed quietly, “It’s nice to meet you, Elide. I’m Lorcan, this is Fenrys,” he gestured to the boy next to him. Fenrys gave her a toothy grin and a two-fingered salute. “So, are we playing or what?” 

“That sounds like a challenge, Lorcan,” Elide mused. Lorcan arched a brow and slowly looked her up and down. The black skirt she wore clung to her sinful curves and the corset cinched her waist tightly. Against her pale complexion, the blood red, long sleeve top she wore made an alluring and tempting contrast, matching her crimson-painted lips. 

“Maybe it is,” he countered, tilting his head to the side. 

Her eyes sparkled with something and she kissed the ping-pong ball before tossing it. It soared in a perfect arch and landed directly in the cup nearest to him. Lorcan’s brows raised and Elide laughed a delicate, smokey and sultry sound, “I like a challenge.” 

☽ ☼ ☾

“Come with me,” Elide said, holding her hand out expectantly. 

Lorcan looked between her outstretched hand and her face warily, “Where to?” 

“The kitchen,” she said, waving her fingers, “c’mon, my drink is empty.” 

He stood and let her pull her behind him, laughing under his breath at her cockiness. Lorcan drained the last of his drink and tapped it against his bottom lip. “Where do I know you from? I feel like I’ve met you before.” 

She turned and walked backwards, their joined hands hanging between them, “Hmmm… I don’t know. I go to the Vaults a lot, maybe I’ve seen you there?” she asked, referencing the local punk club near the university. Elide gave him a cheeky once-over, “You seem to be of that… persuasion.” 

“As do you,” Lorcan replied, nodding his chin towards her layered, wisp-filled pixie cut. “Very  _ Twilight _ of you, I must say, princess.” He reached out and flicked her tiara.

As they arrived at the kitchen, Elide dropped his hand and hopped up onto the counter beside the collection of various bottles of alcohol. His hand tingled at the loss of contact and he squeezed his fingers into a fist. “I love me some Alice Cullen. She was my queer awakening.” 

“Ah, mine was Heath Ledger,” he replied back, smug. Lorcan grabbed the bottle of whiskey and poured a long, long shot into his cup. Then he got a can of Coke from the ice filled cooler and poured that to the rim. Elide chuckled when he bent to sip in case of a spill. 

Lorcan pushed his hair back as he stood back up and watched her pour a sickeningly green liquor into her cup. “Damn, that’s… green, shit, Lochan.” 

“Yeah, I like my tongue spooky colours,” she said with a shrug, putting the green one down and drowning it in vodka and Sprite. “Don’t you?” 

He laughed, “Maybe. What kind of spooky are you talking about?” 

Elide hummed coyly, taking a sip of her, indeed,  _ spooky _ drink, “All kinds of freaky shit.” She patted his arm, “So, if you live with Ro, why do I never see you?” 

“Oh, I’m- I’m a photographer so I’m not home much,” he said, drinking from his cup. “I go to a lot of concerts and stuff.” Lorcan leaned against the counter opposite her and lifted his leg to kick her foot. “So what do you do, hmm? Are you in the art program?” 

Elide tilted her head to the side, “Well, I was. I dropped out first year for a tattoo apprenticeship and I’ve been doing that for a few years,” she said, scrunching her nose up. 

“Y’know what, I think we had a class together first year. I think I… spilt coffee on your drawing.” 

Her eyes lit with recognition, “Oh my gods, yes! I so remember you, I was so mad about that.” 

He ducked his head, “I’m real sorry about that.” A lopsided grin spread across his lips and he looked up, “So, where are you apprenticing?” 

“The Omega on Main street, you know it? Run by Blackbeaks, exclusively?” 

“Holy fuck,  _ yes _ . I’m getting a tattoo there next week,” Lorcan said, his eyes wide. “Their tattoos are…  _ amazing _ . It’s fucking art work.” 

“I know! You know, if you know what you’re getting, I might’ve worked on it.” 

“I’m getting an old school, traditional style raven on my chest,” Lorcan said, gesturing from shoulder to shoulder and down his sternum. “I got one of the freaky twins. Fallon, I think.” 

Elide nodded, “Fallon is amazing. She’s actually hilarious when you’re with her one on one. She likes Enya and has her on her tattooing playlist, so prepare for that.” She hopped off the counter and hooked her finger in his belt loop. Elide pulled him, once again, and guided him towards a couch. They sat down, Elide’s legs haphazardly strewn across his lap. Lorcan’s hand splayed above her knee and he toyed with a rip in her tights. 

Lorcan rested his chin on her shoulder and bumped his nose into her jaw, “So, what’s your Samhain declaration?” 

She leaned backwards and regarded him seductively, “Hmm… to new things and new… people.” 

Lorcan lifted his cup and said: “To new things and new… people.” 

☽ ☼ ☾

Lorcan wrangled Fenrys, “Boyo, come  _ on _ . I gotta get you home.” He sighed and tossed the bony boy over his shoulder. 

Elide shrugged on her faux-fur coat - white with black hearts - and laughed at the sight as she fluffed her hair, “Aww, you take good care of your baby. Look at the little guy.” 

He grinned and leaned against the porch column. “He sure is a champ in the morning. So perky,” Lorcan slapped Fenrys’ ass and chuckled when Fenrys whined, drowsily mumbling a protest. 

She giggled tipsily and walked out, impressively straight given how much vodka she’d consumed. “I’m a Blackbeak, bitch. We bleed  _ vodka _ ,” Elide said, pronouncing the last word with the accent of her mother. 

“Oh, shit,” Lorcan mumbled, “I didn’t mean to say that outloud. Whoopsies.”

Elide laughed and patted his cheek before she leaned in and kissed his face, “Goodnight, my darling.” 

He laughed, the sound slightly choked, “G’night, princess.” 

She clicked her tongue and walked down the steps, going to the cab she’d called. “Give Fenny Poo some meds and water and don’t call me ‘princess’!” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Don’t call me that either!” 

“As you wish, princess.” 

She scoffed and held her middle finger up high, “I loathe your existence, Salvaterre!” 

“Oh, don’t be mean to me, please, gorgeous, I’ll fall in love with you,” he crooned, smiling wildly.

In retrospect, it hadn’t seemed so likely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i luv them 🥺
> 
> couple notes:   
> \- aelin & rowan r three years older than elide & lorcan, fenrys is in twelfth grade !  
> \- lorcan is anarcho-punk and elide is riot grrrl !
> 
> songs played in chapter: (by order of appearance)  
> 1\. I'm Gonna Love You Too - Blondie (cover of original by buddy holly)
> 
> i hope u liked this chapter n thank u for kudos/comments <3


	3. Chapter 3

The sun hadn’t even risen when Elide heard little feet pattering down the hallway to her bedroom door. She sighed and burrowed deeper into her bedmate’s chest. She knew it was Lorcan, if the raven tattooed across his chest wasn’t clue enough. Elide also knew she should move away, pretend like it had been her unconscious state, but… oh gods, he was so  _ warm _ and safe. 

Elide was only reminded of how stupidly early it was when the door was slammed open and a certain kindergartener roared her declaration: “It’s the first day of school!” 

Lorcan woke with a jump, his arms tightening around Elide, “Holy  _ shit _ , kid, Hellas below, don’t do that. My heart’s going to explode.” Elide smothered her laughter in his chest and she knew Lorcan was biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing as well. “Mom’s still sleeping - we gotta whisper.” 

“Oh, ok,” Stella Luna said in an exaggerated whisper. “Daddy, ‘m hungry and so’s Salem.” 

Elide hummed sadly as she was shifted onto the mattress and curled her arms around the pillow Lorcan had used. “Tea,” she mumbled, “please.”

“Of course, Lee,” Lorcan replied. Elide smiled sleepily and nuzzled her face into the pillow. 

“‘kay,” she hummed. “Go feed our child, please, before she starts eating the plants again.” 

Lorcan laughed and the mattress shifted as he got up. Elide rolled over onto his side and let out a soft, soft sigh. She slowly fell asleep, smiling at Stella’s little voice and Lorcan’s deep one, always filled with something warm when he talked to Stel. “But that p’ants taste yummy, Daddy, and Salem get to eat them. I  _ want  _ to eat them.”

“I know but we can’t eat the plants, kid, you know that. You’ll get sick.” 

Elide yawned and drifted off to sleep. It was so warm in her dreams. She laid in Lorcan’s arms, far after the sun had risen. They didn’t talk, but there weren't any words to say, anyway. Lorcan’s fingers trailed up and down her arms. His chin rested on her head and Elide sighed peacefully. “Stel’s still sleeping?”

“Yeah,” Lorcan said. “We’ve got time.” 

Elide snorted and twisted onto her front. His hands lifted to cup her face and when he opened his mouth, their daughter’s voice came out, “Mama? Mama? Hello, mama, wakey-up.” 

Her eyes fluttered open and landed on her baby’s dark, dark eyes - a perfect match to her father’s. “Oh, hi, sweetie.” She yawned and sat up, stretching her arms - skin a mix of dark ink, dark freckles and pale smoothness - above her head. Elide lifted Stella up and hugged her, “Good morning, my little witchling.” 

“Hi, mama.” The four-year old strung her arms around her mother’s neck. “Can you come have breakfast with me? Daddy’s sleepy again.” 

Elide chuckled and they both turned at the insulted gasp from the doorway. Lorcan stood there, Elide’s tea in hand, “How dare you, Tiny. I am  _ never  _ sleepy.” He sipped Elide’s tea, just to annoy her. “Sleep is for the weak.” Lorcan shoved off the doorframe and winked at Elide, “Guess you two are just weaklings.” Elide stifled her laughter as Stella let loose a carnal yell of outraged offence. 

The child leaped to the floor and charged after the quickly receding man. Elide stood up and padded after father and daughter. She yawned again and swiped her tea from Lorcan’s hand as he faced off with the three-foot tall child. “Very macho,” Elide commented drily as she patted his chest, right over the celestial starscape he had tattooed above his heart. It was what the sky looked like in his hometown on the night Stella Luna was born. 

“I not a  _ weakling, _ ” Stella hissed, baring her teeth. Malakai, Lorcan’s father of sorts, owned a boxing gym and had taken to training her when she went to visit her Gramps and Grampapa. She held her fists up and danced lightly on her feet, always in motion, her slim eyes narrowed viciously. 

Elide leaned against the counter and watched with an unimpressed, yet amused, eye. “Children, we don’t have long to eat. Stel, you’ll have soggy cereal if you don’t eat it quick.” Stella Luna gasped and dropped her fists, lunging for her bowl. A certain fluffy, friendly feline curled himself around Elide’s ankles, lazy and sated after scarfing down his breakfast. 

“You’re quite right, Salem,” Elide said, tutting her tongue at Lorcan.  _ “Child.” _

He grinned and stuffed a rolled up chocolate chip Eggo into his mouth. Lorcan winked around the sticky mess and laughed when Elide shuddered in disgust and took his other waffle. She retreated into her room to get ready. When her door was shut, Elide leaned back against it, swallowing back tears. 

It hurt so much to love him sometimes. To wake up and see him in her kitchen, familiar and necessary. To feel like a  _ family _ , a real one - with a white picket fence and shiny parents who worked in offices and complained about their mortgages. To pretend like another second of it wouldn’t shatter her to pieces.

Elide looked up at the ceiling and fanned her eyes, “Oh, gods. Stop crying.” She shook her head and drank some of her tea before she put the mug down on her dresser to get dressed. 

She thoroughly searched through her closet for something and pulled out a long black slip. The top half was sheer - it was technically a nightgown, after all - but she could wear something over it. 

Outside her room, the sound of Courtney Love’s voice was faint and growing louder. Elide grinned when she heard Stella Luna’s wee voice singing along,  _ “Geeks do not have pedigree or perfect punk-rock resumes or anorexic magazines…”  _

_ Smells like girl, it smells like girl…  _

Elide changed and pulled on an X-Ray Spex t-shirt over the slip, carefully putting on a pair of ripped tights after. She looped her double-eyeleted belt around her waist and cinched it tightly, making sure the shirt sat nicely and wasn’t bunched.

_ She walks over me…  _

_ She walks over me…  _

_ Hold you close like we both died, my ever present suicide! _

Elide walked back out as she brushed her tangled hair, “Stel, did you pick out your clothes?” 

_ “My stupid fuck, my blushing-  _ yeah, I did, mama,” Stella called back. “Daddy’s doing my braids.” Elide turned the corner and smiled, grinning at the sight of Stella and Lorcan on the floor, the child between his legs as he braided her hair into two pigtails. “I wanna look like Wednesday, mama.” 

_ Oh tear my heart out, tear my heart out! _

_ She walks over me…  _

_ She walks over me…  _

Elide laughed and bent down to kiss Stella Luna’s head, “I’m sure you will.” She stood up and walked into the kitchen. Stella’s lunch box, her pride and joy, was sitting on the counter. Elide made her daughter’s lunch and packed it neatly. She closed the tin lid and flipped the latch, standing it upright, “Miss Star, your lunch is ready.” 

“Did you make Salem lunch too? I can’t bring the big big bag to school, you know,” Stella said, matter-of-factly. Elide pressed her lips together to stop herself from smiling and turned around, seeing the cat curled in Stella’s lap as his owner brushed through his thick fur with a brush. “It’s too heavy, mama. I’m not that strong.” A pause. “Yet.” 

“Stella, we spoke about this earlier. Salem can’t go to school with you,” Elide said, narrowing her eyes at Lorcan as he turned away from Stella to laugh behind his hand.  _ This is your doing, you know. _ “He’s an indoor cat, baby, he doesn’t like going outside.” 

“But when we go to see  _ babushka  _ and grandpa, we bring Salem. He has a carrier and he’s very nice, I want to bring with me,” Stella protested, hugging Salem close. “Why no, mama? ‘m gonna miss him.” 

“I know, but you’re going to your dad’s house tonight, he’ll be there,” Elide promised. “Now, both of you have got to get dressed. We can’t be late, it’s a  _ very _ important date.” Lorcan huffed a laugh and searched through his duffel bag for clothes. Elide looked at her daughter, a brow arched, “Stel, do you need help getting ready?” 

Stella sighed dramatically and reluctantly put her cat down. She stood and brushed the cat hairs from her pyjamas. “No, I don’t need any help, mama. I’m a big kid.” Both Elide and Lorcan chuckled at that and Stella pattered off into her room, leaving them alone.

Suddenly, without that tiny, little shield, they were both exposed and the kitchen started to feel suffocating. Hole continued to play in the background, Love’s angry and shouted voice now abrasive and overwhelming. Elide gestured to her bedroom, “You can change in there. I’ll be in the bathroom.” She was sure her cheeks were red as she rushed to the bathroom and closed the door, cutting Lorcan off when he opened his mouth to say something. 

Elide exhaled slowly and shook her head at her reflection in the mirror. She muttered to herself in Blackbeak as she opened the top drawer and clipped her hair back to do her make-up. She clipped her v-shaped fringe back with two barrettes and rinsed her face, muttering the entire time about her foolishness. 

She concentrated on her eyeliner, making sure the wing was sharp and straight. She added slanted lines beneath her eyes, imitating eyelashes before she put her false lashes on. Someone knocked on the bathroom door, “Princess, where’s your piercing cleaner stuff? I got a new one last week and I can’t find mine.” 

“Come in - it’s by the sink,” Elide said, standing up and putting her eyeliner down. The door opened and she winked at Lorcan through the mirror. He grinned and stepped in. “I didn’t know you got a new one, where is it?” 

Lorcan laughed and turned his head to the side, pushing his hair back so she could see the double conch hoops, “I had to get behind the scenes pictures of the band and they were all getting their ears pierced and I figured since I hadn’t gotten anything new all summer, fuck it, ya know?” He reached over her head to grab the bottle and got a cotton ball from one of the jars Elide had on her counter. He soaked it in the solution and sat on the closed toilet lid, holding the cotton ball to his ear. 

Elide took a fluffy brush and her compact of blush. She applied it on her cheeks, smiling to get the apple of her cheeks, and tapped it onto the tip of her nose. Lorcan snorted at the cheery expression she made and she flicked the tip of his nose, “Shh.” Elide looked him up and down, humming in approval of his oversized, slightly baggy patch jeans, the worn hoodie that was so frayed no one knew where he’d gotten it from anymore, and his black leather jacket - the one with the fuzzy, leopard-printed belt. 

Stella walked through the open door into the small bathroom and climbed onto the step-stool she used to reach the sink. “Mama, can I have some?” She reached for the brush. 

Elide laughed warmly and brushed some over Stella’s nose, laughing again at her daughter’s giggle. “There you go, babe.” She snapped the lid of her blush shut and put it and her brush away. 

“Look at my dress, mama,” Stella said, holding the bottom of her skirt and twirling. “I look like Wednesday!” 

With her double braids and white collared long-sleeved black dress, she did indeed. Stella wore white wool tights, too, in case she got cold or she wanted to play without worrying about her flouncy skirt. Elide shared a fond grin with Lorcan, “Yes, you do, Stel. You look very pretty.”

Lorcan stood and scooped Stella up, “Prettiest punk rocker that ever existed.” 

He carried her to the living room and held her under her arms to spin her round and round and round, until she was cackling in glee. Elide walked out and huffed a dry laugh, “She’s going to throw up, Lorcan.” 

He slowed and put her down. The child held onto him for a moment, still giggling uncontrollably, “I’m dizzy, Daddy.” Stella jumped and jumped, “Again, again!” 

Lorcan laughed, “Later, kid, we gots to leave in a couple minutes.” He turned her towards the front door, “Why don’t you go get your shoes and I’ll help you do them up.” 

Stella nodded and raced off to the shoe bench, pulling out her beloved Doc Martens and putting them on. She kicked her feet out, waiting for Lorcan to tie her boots. 

“Did you pack all your things for your dad’s place, Stel?” Elide asked as she put her own Docs on and laced them up tightly. 

“Yes, I did.” 

Lorcan walked over, his bags slung over his shoulders. Amidst the black of his luggage, Stella’s heart printed bag stuck out. “I got it.” He put the bags down and crouched in front of her. Stella put her boot on his thigh, patient as he laced it up, snug and perfect. It took a little while, seeing as her boots were ladder-laced, her laces yellow. “Is that good, Tiny?” 

“Yup,” Stella said, lifting up her other foot. “Now this one.” He laughed quietly and dutifully did the other boot up.

“There. All done, Stella,” Lorcan said, grimacing slightly as he stood up and his knees protested. Elide shrugged on her jacket, covered in countless patches, pen drawings, and little designs she’d painted. It was her most prized possession - she’d been working on it for years. 

She smirked at his expression, “How’re the knees, old man?” 

“I’m four months younger than you, El,” he reminded her, flipping her off as he corralled Salem into his carrier and shut the cage door. She laughed at him and helped their child put on her very own patch jacket. There wasn’t too much on it yet, but Stella was slowly building it up and carefully curating her collection. 

Stella made grabby hands towards the carrier and Lorcan gave it to her. She hugged it to her chest as tight as she could and frowned in exertion, “It’s too big, Daddy, can you carry him?” She turned her eyes on him, with a pleading look. “Please?” 

“Of course,” he said, easily taking the cage back. He put it down so he could put on his grungy, beat-up Chuck Taylors. 

Elide grabbed her keys and purse, “Are we ready to go?” 

“Oh, I dunno, I think someone’s a ‘lil nervous, we might have to wait,” Lorcan said teasingly. 

Stella gasped, “No I am not! I’m  _ so _ ready, I’m the  _ most _ ready.” 

“Oh, really? The most ready?” Lorcan asked, his arms crossed like a challenge. He shrugged, “Guess you’ve gotta beat me to the car.” He opened the door, tilting his head to the side. Stella glared at him and grabbed her backpack as she tore out of the apartment and raced down the hall. 

“You’re evil,” Elide said. 

Lorcan laughed and held the door open once again, “Shall we, princess?” 

☽ ☼ ☾

_ “Sha-la-la-la,” _ Stella sang as she hopped out of the car,  _ “keep it glowing, glowing, glowing…”  _ she glanced at her parents and took off running to the school’s gate.  _ “Glowing in the dark!” _

It was the biggest public school in the city - going from kindergarten to grade twelve - and convenient for both Lorcan and Elide, who worked in the nearby art district. Lorcan shook his head at her impatience and turned to Elide as he chewed on his toothpick, “She gets it from you.” 

Elide scoffed and rolled her eyes, “Be nice to me or I’ll have you walking.” The dark haired man mimed locking his lips together and throwing away the key. Elide rolled her eyes and shoved his shoulder, “Get out, stupid.” 

He grinned widely and got out of the car, rolling his shoulders once as he waited for Elide and they both strolled over to Stella. The week before, Elide had taken Stella to the school for a mock school day, just so that the wee ones could get introduced to it all before thousands of other kids came and frightened them. 

Normally, very little could rattle Stella Luna, but now she ran to her parents, wrapping her arms around her mother’s legs and refusing to move. “I don’t wanna go, mama,” she whispered. “There’s too many people, I’m gonna get took.” 

As Elide comforted their daughter, a redheaded teenager walked up to them, pulling off her headphones and putting them in her tote bag, “Hey, L.” 

“Evie, how are you,” he asked, accepting the bubbly girl’s side-hug. “How’s your baby sister?”

“I’m good, she’s good,” Evangeline said. “How are you, how was the tour?” 

He shrugged, “Pretty good, I got some really cool shots, but I’m going to take a break from tours.” 

Evangeline smiled, “That’s good - we missed you!” At the sound of Evangeline’s voice, Stella Luna peeked out and grinned, racing over to her cousin. “Well, hey there, Stelly. You look so cool.” 

“I look like Wednesday Addams, Evie!” 

The eleventh grader laughed, nodding, “You definitely do. So,” she glanced at Elide and Lorcan, “if you two don’t mind, I would be honoured to walk you to class, Stella. What do you say?” 

“Yay!” Stella shouted, hopping up and down. “Can I, please?” 

Elide nodded, “Of course. Just give me a hug good-bye, babe.” Elide bent to hug Stella, “Listen to your teacher and be good, ok? I’m going to miss you this week, I promise I’ll see you at Gramps and Grampapa’s. You know, Stel, we get to meet your baby cousin. She’s brand new.” 

“‘kay-kay, mama,” Stella said, kissing Elide’s cheek with a loud smack. “Bye-bye!” She spun around to Lorcan, “Daddy, hug.” The two adults and one almost adult laughed quietly. Lorcan crouched and opened his arms for a big hug. 

_ “Have fun, little one. You’re all grown up now, huh?”  _ he asked in his native language, brushing a curl of her hair back. 

Stella screwed up her button nose and grinned,  _ “Not yet, dad. I’m still ‘lil.”  _

Lorcan laughed and kissed her forehead,  _ “Yes, you are, my darling moon.” _ He pressed his brow to hers for a short moment and stood, “See ya, kid. I’ll pick you up after school.” 

“Bye-bye,  _ até _ ,” Stella yelled, grabbing Evangeline’s hand and walking onto the school grounds. 

Lorcan laughed and slung his arm around Elide’s slender shoulders to pull her close. His vision became misty and he blinked back tears. Elide chuckled, “You’re such a sap. Who’d’ve thunk it?” 

He pinched her side, “C’mon, ice queen, it’s kinda sad.” Lorcan swallowed, “Our baby’s growing up.” 

Elide wrapped her arm around his waist, “Yeah. She is.” She paused, suddenly feeling too many eyes on her. Carefully, she glanced around, noting a large amount of people staring at them, practically shielding their children. Interestingly, there was… lust and shameful desire mixed in with the panic. “Lor, are people…” 

“Staring at me? Yeah. Wanna get out of here?” 

She grinned and they walked back to her old Ford Explorer. She’d saved up for a car for  _ years _ as a teenager and bought one when she was eighteen. Lorcan leaned against the window and half-closed his eyes. Elide leaned over the centre console, brushing his hair back, “How are you? You seem tired.” 

“I am tired,” he mumbled. Lorcan shifted and sighed through his nose, “Last night was the best sleep I’d had in weeks. I hate touring.” 

Elide chuckled and pulled away from the curb, driving into the city. Shortly after, she stopped in front of his building.“Lor? We’re here.” 

He sat up, blinking a few times. Lorcan sniffed and rubbed his nose. Elide looked at him and smiled softly, loving the way his septum piercing was screwed up. Lorcan leaned across to her and kissed her cheek, his lips lingering as he whispered, “Thanks for the ride and the bed, princess.” 

Her pale cheeks blushed. Lorcan pulled back and got out of the car, closing the door behind him. Elide rolled down her windows as he took his duffle bag and camera bag out of the trunk. The hem of his hoodie pulled up, exposing the defined curve of his hip bone, ink snaking over it, as he lifted his hand to close the trunk door. 

Lorcan walked around and leaned over the window, “I’ll see you Friday, right?” 

“Yes. And don’t forget Salem,” she twisted into the backseat and pulled out the carrier, whispering good-bye to the cat. Elide passed it out to him and grinned as she started the engine again and he stepped back, “See ya, Salvaterre.” 

“Good day to thee, fair young maiden.” 

“Gods, you’re stupid.” 

Lorcan just winked at her and turned around. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u enjoyed this chapter !! a lil note before u go:   
>  \- ladder lacing is a part of punk culture !! it's part of lace code which only applies to ladder laces and doc martens/other combat boots (here is an article where u can learn more: http://10thingszine.blogspot.com/2007/09/doc-martens.html) 
> 
> songs played in chapter (by order of appearance):   
> 1\. She Walks On Me - Hole   
> 2\. Howling At The Moon (Sha-la-la) - Ramones


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings: recreational drug use (marijuana)

_ six years ago _

It was nearing twelve when Lorcan stumbled out his room, his head pounding as he walked down the stairs. He tugged his hair into a messy bun and threw himself down on the couch. His head protested the excessive motion and he half-cried. Gods, he was stupid.

From across the room, someone laughed and feet padded towards him, “Sit up, L. I got food and water.” 

Lorcan smiled sleepily and sat up, accepting the breakfast wrap and water, which he chugged before reaching for Rowan’s coffee mug, “Aw, you take such great care of me, pretty boy.” He made a kissing face, “C’mere, gimme a kiss.” 

Rowan scoffed and shoved Lorcan’s head to the side. Someone else clicked their tongue, “Stop trying to steal my man.” 

“I had him before you, Ash,” he mumbled, his mouth half filled with his wrap. He washed it down with coffee and fixed his septum ring, “Hey, you know that girl, Elide? Lochan?” 

The silence was everlong and icey cold. 

Lorcan looked up, fearfully watching Aelin slowly, so carefully putting her tea mug down and clasping her hands, her sharp nails flashing, “My cousin and roommate, Elide? Yes. I know  _ that girl _ . Why?” 

He shrugged and looked down, “I dunno, I kinda clicked with her, you know, an’ I was wondering if you could… maybe give me her number or something?” 

“Her…  _ number _ or something? Really?” 

Lorcan rolled his eyes, “Hellas below, Aelin, I just want her number so I can talk to her. I  _ like _ her. We should’ve met each other before, just,  _ please _ ?” 

Aelin watched him and tilted her head to the side, her silky golden hair shifting across her back. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, running her tongue over her white white teeth, “Hmmm… no. Sorry, honey.” She stood up and sashayed up the stairs, back to Rowan’s room.

Lorcan narrowed his eyes. He bit his tongue and turned his head to look at Rowan standing in the kitchen, “Dude.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I hate your girlfriend,” Lorcan said, finishing his breakfast in two bites. 

Rowan sighed, “Don’t say that.” He stood and tossed the last dregs of his coffee into the sink. “She just doesn’t want to unleash, you know,  _ you _ onto Elide. She’s young.” Lorcan frowned and shook his head, moving to retreat upstairs. Rowan held his hand out, “Hey, woah, tell me what’s wrong.” 

“We’re the same age, Rowan. Elide’s grown.” Lorcan leaned his hip against the counter. “Give me her number.”

“No.” 

“Give it to me.” 

“Lorcan, no.” 

“Gimme it.” 

“ _ Dude _ , no, I’m not giving it to you.”

Lorcan crossed his arms, “Give it.” 

Rowan sighed and shook his head. He took his coffee cup back and they both heard something crashing around upstairs. Lorcan turned to face the rickety staircase and smirked at his cousin as Vaughan all but fell down the stairs, wearing a pair of basketball shorts that did not belong to him and nothing else. Lorcan grinned, “Hey, Vee. Have a nice night?” 

Vaughan muttered something in their native tongue and flipped Lorcan off.  _ “You’re a cunt. Give me your coffee.” _ Lorcan nodded and plucked Rowan’s coffee out of his hands once more. 

Their silver haired roommate glared at the two of them, “Stop taking my coffee, there’s an  _ entire _ pot right there.” Indeed, sitting on the counter, their shitty coffee pot was filled. Lorcan shrugged and passed the mug to Vaughan, who slumped to the floor and chugged its content before holding it out expectantly. Rowan sighed and picked the pot up to pour Vaughan more. “I hate you two.”

Lorcan sat down next to his cousin,  _ “He’s just a ‘lil cranky ‘cause Ash used the big strap-on last night.” _ Vaughan snorted, leaning into Lorcan. Rowan narrowed his eyes at them distrustfully and Lorcan smiled innocently, “How’re you feeling, Ro? Sore?” 

“I’m fine,” Rowan said carefully. His green eyes flicked nervously between them. They grinned back at him. He shook his head and walked to the staircase, “I hate you guys and I’m not giving you El’s number.” 

_ “Who’s El?” _ Vaughan asked, closing his eyes and tipping his head back against the cupboard door.  _ “I thought you didn’t want to meet anyone.” _

Lorcan shrugged and took the box of cereal off the counter. He ate it dry,  _ “I didn’t, but I don’t know. She’s some girl I met last night at that law party.” _

His cousin hummed,  _ “She a law student?”  _

_ “Nah, she’s a tattoo artist. Well,” _ Lorcan stood up,  _ “she’s doing an apprenticeship over at The Omega.”  _ He stretched his arms over his head and groaned,  _ “I like her.” _

_ “Like, like her?”  _

_ “I don’t know yet.”  _ Lorcan exhaled slowly,  _ “We just had fun.” _

_ “Name?” _

_ “Elide Lochan,” _ Lorcan said.  _ “You know her?” _

Vaughan tilted his head to the side, squinting his eyes,  _ “Mmm… nah. Sounds cool, though.” _ He slowly got to his feet and shuffled to the rickety kitchen table. He took a seat and slumped down, mumbling,  _ “So, are you going to call her or something?”  _

Lorcan sighed,  _ “I don’t know her number and Rowan and Aelin won’t give it to me. She’s Ae’s cousin and roommate.”  _

Vaughan laughed,  _ “Guess you’ve got to give it up, lover boy. They’ll never give it to you.” _

All Lorcan could do was flip him off and stalk back to his room.

☽ ☼ ☾

“Order for Elide?” 

She stood up and walked across the cafe to pick up the three trays of coffee, “Thank you!” Elide balanced it all and put the food she’d gotten, too, in her tote bag.

“You’re welcome, Elide,” the young barista said with a toothy grin. “See you tomorrow?” 

“You know it, Nox,” she quipped. Elide waved and walked to the door, pushing it open with her back, “Bye-bye.” She put her earbuds in and very, very,  _ very _ carefully held the coffee up as she pulled her phone out and opened Spotify. 

Elide scrolled through her large collection of various playlists and chose one, scrolling down to play something. 

_ Art I ficial! _

She started to walk down the sidewalk as the guitar and drum intro began, unconsciously matching her footsteps to the beat.  _ “I know I’m art-i-ficial, but don’t put the blame on me,” _ she vocalised, not entirely aware that she was.  _ “I was reared with appliances in a consumer society…”  _

The day was sunny and chilly, her second favourite type of fall day. The  _ perfect _ day was spent inside as it rained outside her bedroom window. She would sit on her bed and Aelin would make her way into Elide’s room for the day. Aelin would procrastinate her studies and Elide would procrastinate tattoo sketches by drawing Aelin. In the afternoon, they would switch out tea for blunts. 

Elide smiled, thinking about the last time they’d had a day like that. She walked to a crosswalk and stopped to wait for the traffic lights to change. 

_ Existence is elusive, the kind that is supported by mechanical resources! _

Just as the light changed and Elide went to step off the curb, the flash of something caught her eye. She tugged an earbud out and looked around as she crossed the road, recognising long and dark hair pulled into a loose braid. It fell down over a patch jacket and she grinned. Elide was about to call out to him, but she noticed the camera he was holding up to his eye and decided not to bother him. 

Elide stared, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. She was transfixed, frozen, until it was too late and he turned, catching her red-handed. The serious, intimidating expression on his face morphed into an easy grin, “Elide?” 

Her face heated and she walked over to him, “Hey, Lorcan. How are you?” 

He bobbed his head, “Not too bad, just,” he lifted his camera, “doin’ this project.” Strands of his dark hair shifted silkily over his face and he pushed them back. “That is a lot of coffee.” 

Elide laughed quietly, “Oh, yeah, it’s the coffee run. As the only apprentice, I’m their chore girl so I get a lot of coffee.” She tucked her hair behind her pierced ear and smiled, “You wanna walk with me to the shop?” 

Lorcan grinned, “Of course.” He tilted his head to the side and they took off, walking side by side. “So, what’re you doing today? Besides the very important job of coffee runner.” 

“I’m working on some sketches and hey! Don’t diss the mid-afternoon snacks,” she lifted her tote bag. “They would fall apart without me.” 

“Of course they would,” Lorcan said, smirking slightly. He noticed her earbuds and took the hanging one, “You mind?” 

“Not at all,” Elide told him. Lorcan nodded and put it in his ear. 

They didn’t say anything else as they walked, listening to Elide’s music and enjoying each other’s company. 

As always, there was a line in front of The Omega. Elide often scheduled appointments and usually spent her days turning people away. They slowed a few feet from the front window and Lorcan gave her back her headphone just as a new song started to play, one with a steady beat and sweet, delicate violins.  _ Have I ever told you… how good it feels to hold you?  _

_ It isn’t easy to explain… _

“This was nice, Lochan,” Lorcan said, a small smile on his face. 

Elide nodded, smiling her own small smile, “It was.” She glanced inside the shop, through the tinted window. “I’m probably late, so… I should go.” 

_ I think I may start crying… my heart can’t wait another day… _

Lorcan nodded and hung his camera around his neck. He started to walk backwards and shoved his hands into his pockets, “I guess I’ll see you around, then, won’t I?” 

Elide tucked her hair behind her ear again and nodded, “Yeah. I’d like that.” She flashed him a bright smile and snuck past the line inside the shop.  _ “Baby, I love you… baby I love, I love only you…”  _

It was only after she’d given everyone their drinks and pastries, that she remembered she hadn’t asked for his number or any way to contact him. Elide swore under her breath and closed the kitchen door. She pulled out her phone and called her roommate, her head already hanging low. 

Aelin would give her so much shit for this. 

The person who picked up was most definitely not her roommate.  _ “Hello?”  _ Rowan asked, breathless. It wasn’t hard to connect the dots and figure out why. 

“Hey, Ro, can I talk to Aelin?” 

He sighed and sniffed, his voice strained,  _ “Kinda busy, Ellie.”  _

“Rowan Whitethorn.” 

_ “Fine.”  _ She crossed her arm over her chest and waited. There was some rustling and Elide waited until she heard her cousin’s voice. 

_ “El, what the fuck do you want?”  _

She smirked, “Oh, I’m sorry, am I interrupting your midterm study-hour?” 

Aelin sighed,  _ “Whatever. What can I help you with?”  _

Elide exhaled slowly, “Can you give me Lorcan’s number or something? I saw him again today and I forgot to get it from him.” Her words were a rushed, jumbled mess that Aelin still somehow managed to understand.

_ “I’m sorry, did you just say you wanted Lorcan’s number?”  _

“Yes.” 

_ “No.”  _

“Why not?!” Elide squeezed her hand into a fist. “Why not? I’m grown. And I want to see him again. Give it to me.” 

_ “I don’t have it,”  _ Aelin lied. 

Elide shook her head and seethed, “You know, for a future lawyer, you’re a shit liar. Bye, Aelin.” She hung up as Aelin started to protest. After she angrily shoved her phone into the back pocket of her black jeans, Elide stalked out to the front desk and smiled tensely at Ghislaine. “Hey, G.” 

The kind woman looked over at her and arched a brow, “Hi. You seem… off.” Ghislaine looked back at the computer to check her appointment schedule. “Something bad happen?” 

“No, not really. Just  _ Aelin _ ,” Elide grumbled. 

Ghislaine laughed under her breath, “What’s she done now?” 

Elide rolled her eyes and leaned against the desk, “So, we went to her boyfriend’s party last night and I met her boyfriend’s roommate and we got on really well, but I forgot to get his number and I couldn’t find him on Instagram or anything.” She sighed, “And I saw him again today and I forgot again and now Aelin won’t give me his number or anything.” 

“What’s his name? Maybe I know him.” 

“Lorcan Salvaterre?” 

Her friend’s sea-green eyes widened in recognition and she held her finger up. Elide waited patiently and sipped her iced coffee. After a few moments, Ghislaine held her phone in front of Elide’s face. On the screen was someone’s Instagram account. Elide took the phone and scrolled through, smiling when she saw a picture of Lorcan’s face. 

“Ghislaine, I love you so much,” Elide said. “This is him. How do you know him?” 

Ghislaine shrugged and toyed with one of her dreadlocks, twisting it around her finger, “He was a first year student I mentored in my last year. We talk sometimes, Manon was looking for someone to do some promo shots for here and I asked him if he would, but it’s not really his style. He did recommend someone, though.” 

“Uh-hmm,” Elide hummed absently. She bit her thumbnail as she continued to scroll. Only a few pictures of his face were interspersed among posts of concerts and the like. 

Ghislaine plucked her phone out of Elide’s hands and tutted her tongue when Elide made a whine of protest. She rolled her eyes, “I’ll let you look later, go do work before I tell Manon to fire you.” Ghislaine turned back to the computer. 

Elide squealed and threw her arms around Ghislaine from behind, “I love you.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Ghislaine muttered, shaking Elide off. “I know. Go away now.” 

Elide smacked a kiss onto her friend’s cheek and pranced away, “You’re my saviour, Ghislaine!” 

☽ ☼ ☾

Elide sat on her windowsill, her bare legs shivering in the cold air. She held her joint in one hand and scrolled through a certain someone’s Instagram. 

_ Drinkin’ beer in the… hot sun! _

_ I fought the law and… I won _

_ I fought the law and… I won _

She put the lit joint to her lips and inhaled slowly as she clicked on his first post. 

_ I needed sex and I got mine!  _

Unlike the others, it was a nature shot, one of the sun rising over a horizon. The caption read, simply,  _ home _ . The location tag was the Northern Isles. Elide’s brows raised and she exhaled the smoke, her head unconsciously bopping to the music she was playing. 

_ The law don’t mean shit if you’ve got the right friends  _

_ That’s how this country’s run _

Elide hadn’t followed him. Yet. She debated following him right then and there, but she wanted to snoop some more first. 

_ I fought the law and… I won _

_ I fought the law and… I won! _

She hadn’t even looked through his tagged posts yet. 

Elide sighed and smoked again. The burning end of the blunt neared her fingertips and Elide hissed as it singed. The joint fell from her hand and dropped into the gutter two metres below. “Oh,  _ fuck _ .” She looked down after it, mourning her lost drugs. 

Someone knocked on the door before opening it. Aelin poked her head in, smiling tentatively, “Hey, Ellie.” 

“I dropped my joint in the gutter,” Elide pouted. 

_ I blew George and Harvey’s brains out… with my six-gun! _

Her roommate chuckled and took that as an invitation to come in and sit beneath Elide on her bed, “I’m sorry, honey.” Aelin sat up and crossed her legs. She dropped her hands into her lap and picked at her chipping nail polish. “And I’m sorry for today. I should’ve given you his number, but… he bothers me and I take pleasure in making his life difficult.” 

_ I fought the law and I won, I fought the law and I won! _

Elide frowned and slid onto her mattress. She closed the window, “Why would you not giving me his number make  _ his _ life difficult?” 

Aelin’s freckled cheeks reddened and she muttered, “I dunno, he might’ve asked for your number this morning when I was at Ro’s.” 

“Aelin!” Elide smacked her friend’s arm. “You’re a demon.” She leaned into Aelin’s side and shrugged, looking back at her phone, “It’s all very well. Ghislaine knows him from school and gave me his Insta.” Elide sighed and pulled one of her blankets over them, feeling fuzzy after her joint. “I’ve been stalking him for hours. I haven’t even  _ got _ to his tagged posts.” Aelin laughed and hopped out of bed. “Wait, no, best friend, where are you going?” 

“I have weed in my room,” the golden girl hollered over her shoulder. Elide cheered and did a happy little dance. 

She fumbled with her phone, saving it from crashing onto her hardwood floor. With a relieved sigh, Elide turned it back over, only to find that in her mad scrambling, she had accidentally liked his post. She sat up quickly, covering her mouth with her hand. “No.”

Elide sat frozen until Aelin came back, singing, “I’ve got wee-eed! Let’s- what happened? Why do you look like that?” 

_ I fought the law and… I won, I fought the law and I won! _

“I liked his post.” 

“Which one?” 

“The very first one he ever posted.” 

“Well. Shit.”

_ I am the law so I… win! _

☽ ☼ ☾

The brightness of his laptop made his eyes burn. Lorcan pushed back from his desk and sighed, scrubbing his eyes. 

_ Jackie is a punk, Judy is runt _

_ They went down to the Mudd club and they both got drunk _

_ “Oh, yeah, yeah, yea-ah-ah…” _ This final project was going to be the death of him. 

Lorcan stood up from his desk chair and threw himself down on his bed, the mattress bouncing under his weight. He grabbed his pillow and shoved his face into it, letting out a long and pained groan. 

_ Jackie is a bookie, Judy’s taking loans _

_ They came to New York… _

_ “Just to see the Ramones, oh-yea-ah-ah…”  _

After a few minutes of wallowing in his self-loathing, Lorcan leaned up on his elbows and grabbed his phone from his nightstand. He flicked on his lamp and looked through his notifications. 

_ And-oh, I don’t know why she wrote that letter _

_ Oh no, oh no… _

_ Oh I don’t know why! _

He scrolled quickly past the Instagram notifications until a username caught his eye. Frowning slightly, sure that he had been mistaken, Lorcan slowly combed through them until he saw that perfect, wonderful alert. 

_ lladylochann liked your post _

A happy grin stole across his face and he clicked on it, his eyes widening as he saw that it was one of his oldest posts, a picture of a sunrise. It was from his grandmother’s house’s roof, his favourite place in the world. 

He could see everything around him from up there. All the islands of the Northern Isles would be spread before him. Beyond that, the vicious, unforgiving sea would stretch to the horizons. As a child, he had thought that the world dropped off after it. He’d quickly learned that was not the truth, but even still, he was never quite sure when he was up there. 

Lorcan grinned again, his heart fluttering. He sat up and leaned against his headboard, clicking on her profile to message her. 

_ hellas_himself: are you insta stalking me princess? _

He turned his phone off and tossed it onto the mattress beside him. He crossed his arms and did his best to remain collected, but he tapped his thumbnail against his teeth repeatedly.

_ Jackie’s scalping tickets, Judy got harassed…  _

_ They both got kicked outside, didn’t have a backstage pass…  _

_ Oh-yea-ah-ah…  _

His phone buzzed and he grabbed it immediately, too excited to feel any sort of shame in his eagerness. 

_ lladylochann: maybe  _

_ lladylochann: what’s it to you _

_ hellas_himself: i like to know when cute grrrls are obsessed with me  _

_ hellas_himself: it happens so often i need to make a list to keep track of them all  _

_ lladylochann: you’re a very cocky boy salvaterre _

_ hellas_himself: don’t pretend like you don’t like me like that _

_ hellas_himself: and BOY?? i am a man.  _

_ lladylochann: you’re ridiculous and it’s not even that cute  _

_ hellas_himself: oh so it’s only a little cute then  _

_ lladylochann: …...maybe  _

He snorted. From outside his room, Lorcan heard shuffling footsteps. His door was opened and in peeked Rowan, an apologetic wince on his face, “Lorcan? You good?” 

“Do you mean am I not pissed at you and your unbearable girlfriend anymore?” Lorcan asked drily as he continued to message Elide. He looked up, “You can come in and no, I’m not mad anymore.” Lorcan reached over to kill the song.

His roommate rolled his eyes and stepped in, taking a seat on the edge of Lorcan’s desk. “Why are you so smiley?” 

“‘m texting Elide.” 

Rowan choked, “ _ What _ ? How?!” 

“She was Insta stalking me and accidentally liked one of my pictures,” Lorcan said. “Now we’re talking.” 

“Ooh, are we having a sleepover?” 

Both Lorcan and Rowan looked up at the doorway, laughing to themselves at the sight of the obviously stoned Vaughan. “Hey, Vee. I’m texting Elide.” 

Vaughan giggled - he  _ giggled  _ \- and walked in, flopping down on Lorcan’s bed. “You’re so smitten, cousin.” 

“No, I’m not,” Lorcan muttered, scowling fiercely. “Shut up, butthead.”

Rowan shook his head and chuckled quietly, “Vaughan, why don’t we go get you some food and watch a movie?” 

“What movie,” Vaughan asked, looking suspiciously at Rowan. 

“Whichever one you want, bud. C’mon, up, Lorcan has work to finish anyway.” 

Vaughan sighed a tortured sigh and slid to his feet, “Ok… I  _ guess _ . Bye-bye, Lorcan.” The oldest of the three guided Vaughan by his shoulders out of the room. “Say it back to me.” 

Lorcan laughed loudly, “Oh my gods, Vaughan, I want you to be high all the time.” 

His cousin grinned widely, “I, too, want me to be high all the time.” Rowan muttered something and hauled Vaughan away. 

“Do your work, Lorcan!” 

“Suck my dick, Rowan!” 

“Been there, done that.” 

“We never backslid, pretty boy,” Lorcan said loudly, “it’ll have to happen one day.” 

“In your dreams, Salvaterre.”

That night, when he fell asleep, his dreams were filled with Elide. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u guys enjoyed the chapter !! 
> 
> songs played in chapter (by order of appearance):  
> 1\. Art-I-Ficial - X-Ray Spex  
> 2\. Baby I Love You - Ramones  
> 3\. I Fought The Law - Dead Kennedys  
> 4\. The Return of Jackie and Judy - Ramones  
> spotify playlist (songs r ordered by appearance and the playlist includes songs that r in future/unposted chapters !): https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pCqRG5Y78Uj3jR1D0C8ks?si=uLg3RK09Tkinjr_ngCrniA


	5. Chapter 5

The bell rang and Stella packed her things up, carefully making sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. It was Friday, so if she forgot anything, she wouldn’t get it until  _ Monday _ , a whole three days away. 

She couldn’t live like that. 

Her teacher crouched by her desk and smiled kindly, “All ready to go, Stella Luna?” 

“Uh-huh,” she zipped her backpack up and stood. Mr. Havilliard helped her put her arms through the loops and by the time she was done, Evangeline had arrived in the doorway. “Evie!” 

Her cousin grinned and waved, “Hey, Stel.” Evangeline walked in, “Are you ready to go?” 

Stella raced over to Evangeline, her boots stomping over the linoleum, “Ready, ready, ready!” 

Evangeline chuckled and patted Stella’s head, “Good, I’ll go sign you out.” She walked over to Mr. Havilliard’s desk, “Hi, I’m Evangeline, I should be on the list for pick-up.” 

The blue-eyed man nodded, “Of course. It’s lovely to meet you, I’m Mr. Havilliard. Stella Luna has been going on and on about how her cousin is picking her up.” He passed her the sign-out sheet and a pen. Evangeline searched the list for Stella’s name and wrote the time in the little box, signing her name in the box next to it. 

She gave it back to Stella’s teacher, “Thank you.” When she felt a little hand slip into hers, Evangeline looked down and smiled at Stella, “Are we good to go, Stelly?” 

Stella nodded and waved at her teacher, “Bye-bye, Mr. H!” 

“Good-bye, Stella Luna,” he said kindly, his eyes crinkling. “I hope you have a good weekend and I will see you next week.” 

The kindergartener nodded and beamed, tugging Evangeline out. Evangeline made her stop by the doors to fix her coat. Stella looked outside, “t’s raining, Evie.” 

The older girl nodded and crouched, “It is, Stel.” She pulled Stella’s loose hair back so she could fit the hood over her head. “Should we run for it?” Evangeline stood, holding her hand out for Stella. 

Stella nodded and ran towards the doors, “Let’s go!” 

They crashed through the doors and dashed madly across the schoolyard to Evangeline’s red 2003 Toyota Camry. Evangeline scurried Stella into the back seat and the little one’s booster seat. Then she closed the door and sat behind the wheel, dropping her bag into the passenger seat. 

Evangeline checked her mirrors and grinned in the rearview at her cousin, “What should we listen to?” 

“My jams,” Stella exclaimed excitedly, referring to her personal playlist. Every single person in their little mismatched, rag-tag family had it on their phones, just so they could play it for her.

“I don’t even know why I asked, so silly of me,” Evangeline laughed. She plugged her phone into the aux cord and shuffle played  _ miss star’s jamzzz _ . 

The first song poured out of the speakers and they both smiled at it. 

_ Well, sometimes, I go out by myself… _

_ “And I look across the water,”  _ Evangeline sang. She looked around them and smoothly pulled the car out of the school parking lot, onto the street that would take her downtown.  _ “ _ _ And I think of all the things of what you're doing…”  _

Stella Luna danced around, belting out the lyrics,  _ “In my head I paint a picture! Since I’ve come on home, well, my body’s been a mess–” _

_ “–and I miss your ginger hair and the way you like to dress,” _ Evangeline finished, shimmying her shoulders as she turned left at the intersection. 

_ “Oh, won’t you come on over, stop making a fool out of me…”  _ the child caroled, her wee voice straining.  _ “Why don’t you come on over, Va-alerie…” _

They sang their hearts out all the way to Elide’s tattoo shop, The Temple. Stella practically threw herself from the car and ran into the shop, “Helloooo!” She stopped short and gasped softly when she saw all the clients waiting quietly or perusing the portfolios. “Oops.” Stella Luna looked at the front desk, her embarrassment forgotten as soon as she saw her uncle. “Vee!” 

Vaughan looked up at that moment, more than used to loud noises, and smiled calmly,  _ “Hello, child.” _

Stella ran around the desk to him and wrapped her arms around his knees, her head tilted up. She spoke in her father’s mother tongue, like she always did with her uncle,  _ “Hello-hello, Vee.”  _

He laughed and picked her up, hugging her sweetly,  _ “How are you, kiddo?”  _

_ “I’m very good. I had kindergarten this week, uncle, I’m in school now, did you know?”  _ She asked him, looking over at the clients and waving at a few people, who smiled and waved back at the child. Stella beamed, kicking her feet out. 

The bell above the door jingled as it was opened and Evangeline walked in, carrying Stella’s backpack. “Hey, Vaughan.” 

“Good afternoon, Evangeline,” Vaughan said, nodding his head in a serene greeting.

The eleventh-grader skirted around the people waiting and handed Stella’s backpack to Vaughan. “I guess I’ll see you two later, right? Family dinner and all.” 

Vaughan nodded, “Yes, we’ll see you then. Thank you for driving Stella Luna.” 

“Oh, you know it’s not a problem,” Evangeline said, waving her hand. “I’ve got to get to work soon. Bye, guys.” The rings stacked on her fingers flashed in the shop lights as Evangeline waved good-bye and walked back out to her car. 

Stella wiggled, frowning,  _ “Down, I wanna go down.” _ Vaughan set her on her feet.  _ “Can I colour, Vee?”  _

_ “‘Course you can,” _ he said, shifting some papers around to find something she could use. Stella sat on the floor, crossed legged, and opened the bottom drawer. The bottom drawer was Stella’s drawer, filled with markers, pencil crayons, colouring pages, picture books and little toys, anything to entertain her with. 

Stella hauled out her bag of markers and rooted through it, pulling out her favourites. She didn’t bother moving from her spot and Vaughan worked around her until Essar came around the corner and almost tripped over her. Stella looked up and smiled, “Auntie Ess! Hi!” 

A warm grin spread over Essar’s tattooed lips. An intricate pattern continuing down her chin,“Hi, coconut.” They crouched, bopping Stella’s nose with their finger, “Why don’t we go sit in the back room so we aren’t in anyone’s way, hmm?” 

“‘kay-’kay,” Stella said, gathering up her papers and markers and backpack. She hugged it all to her chest with one arm and held Essar’s hand in the other. No one dared to help her with all her things - the determined frown on her little face warned everybody off. Hand in hand, Essar and Stella walked out from behind the desk. Stella turned over her shoulder and shouted, “Bye-bye, people! Have a good day!” Essar laughed gently and Stella beamed as everyone said good-bye to her. 

Stella tugged Essar into the kitchen and spread her things out on the table before she climbed onto a chair and tucked her legs beneath her. “Essie, where is my mama?” 

“She’s with a client now, but she’ll be done soon,” Essar told her, taking out two string cheeses from the fridge. She gave one to Stella and sat down, “Can I colour, too?” 

Stella Luna nodded vigorously and shoved a colouring book over to her aunt. She put the bag of markers between them, “Here you go, Essie.” She looked down at her own drawing, “‘m drawing a dragon, Essie. What you gonna colour?” 

“A cat,” Essar said, tucking their long hair behind their ear and tapping her nail on the gauge plug that stretched her earlobe. “So, how was school, coconut?” 

Stella furiously coloured, “It was ok. Mr. H is nice. He knows Auntie Ash.” 

Essar nodded and carefully outlined the printed drawing with an orange marker. Once that was done, she coloured it in with an orange pencil crayon. “Did you do anything fun?” 

“I played on the swings and did you know Evie gets to be my reading buddy in the lib-ary? I’m learning how to read,” Stella said proudly, smiling again. 

“Wow, so grown up, Stella,” Essar replied, dutifully pulling the wrapping off of Stella’s string cheese when she couldn’t do it herself. 

Stella pulled her snack apart and told Essar, quite decidedly, “You know, Essie, I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m a big kid.” She shrugged, “Gots to grow up someday.” 

Essar summoned every dreg of self-control they had to stop herself from laughing. With a surprisingly steady voice, Essar said, “That’s very true, coconut.” 

“Duh,” Stella said, flipping her hand. “People think I don’t know stuff, but I know  _ so much _ .” 

Essar chuckled and looked up when the door opened. She smiled, “Hey, Stel, look who’s here.” 

Stella hummed, “Who?” She sat up and turned, one arm on the back of the chair. “Mama!” She jumped down and raced to Elide, “Hi, mama.” Elide grinned and picked Stella up for a long hug. 

“Hi, Stella.” 

Essar pulled her phone out to check the time and realised she had an appointment in a few minutes. She stood up and walked to the door, “I’ll see you guys later, I have a piercing in a few minutes.” 

“Oh, of course,” Elide said, stepping to the side. “Thanks for watching her.” She looked at her daughter, “What do you say?” 

“Thank you, Auntie Ess,” Stella chirped, grinning happily. “Are you coming to dinner, Essie?” 

“Oh, um, not tonight, coconut,” Essar said, their cheeks darkening with a blush. Elide grinned a wicked grin and arched her brow as Essar ducked her face. 

“Why not? Lys is bringing the baby,” Stella prodded innocently. 

Essar shot Elide a warning look, “I know, but I have plans. With my girlfriend.” 

Stella nodded in understanding, “Oh, ok.” 

“Your girlfriend, hmm?” asked Elide, shifting Stella to the floor. “I didn’t know you were seeing someone.”

Essar walked backwards to their room and shoved her hands into their pockets, “Yeah, it’s almost like I planned that, huh! Crazy.” 

“We’ll have to meet them someday, Ess,” Elide said. 

“Really? I’m not sure about that,” the piercer replied. “Ta-ta, gals! I’ve got to work or my boss will fire me.” 

“We co-own this studio, Essar.” 

“Well, I don’t want to have to fire myself. So awkward.” 

☽ ☼ ☾

“Mama, can we  _ go _ now? We’re gonna be late!” 

Elide huffed in amusement and looked at her daughter, her eyes twinkling, “Well, someone’s impatient, hmm?” 

Stella sighed and rolled her eyes, “I wanna see everybody, mama.” 

“Sit tight a few minutes more, I just have to finish up here,” Elide said. She turned back to the computer and her fingernails clicked against the keyboard as she clocked out, typing in her day’s appointment details. She confirmed everything and logged out, picking her purse and workbag up. “Stel, do you have your school bag?” 

“Yup!” 

Laughing, Elide called out good-bye to the others and took Stella’s hand. They walked out of the back office and down the hall. Stella swung their joined hands between them and hopped, “I’m like a frog, mama, see? Hop, hop, hop!” 

“I do see that,” Elide said, fondly looking down at her daughter. “You’d make a very good frog, Stella.” 

Stella hummed and giggled, hopping all the way to the car. Elide put their bags, except her purse, in the trunk and opened the door so Stella could clamber up into her booster seat. She did her own seatbelt and waited excitedly, looking out the window and kicking her feet. Elide smiled and kissed her cheek, “You are so cute. I just wish you would stop growing, little one.” 

The child stuck her tongue out at her mother and said, “I have to grow so I get big and strong, mama.” 

“Ou, that’s right, baby, how could I forget?” Elide asked. She closed the car door and got in the driver’s seat. Elide pulled her keys out of the pocket of her tight black jeans and turned the car on. The engine rumbled to a calm purr and Elide pulled onto the busy street. 

Traffic was slow as rush hour neared. They creeped along, slowly moving up inch by inch. Stella Luna remained calm for the first five minutes, but her patience began to fray. She whined and huffed, “Go  _ faster _ .” 

Elide pressed her lips together and glanced in the rearview mirror, catching her daughter’s irritated eye, “We can’t go any faster,  _ moya luna. _ ” She fiddled with the radio, “You wanna listen to some music?” 

“No,” Stella muttered, crossing her arms and frowning. “I wanna watch  _ Addams Family Values _ .” 

They stopped at a red light. Elide kept an eye on the road and leaned over to root through her purse, fishing out her phone. She passed it back to Stella, “Ok, baby. We’ll be there soon.” 

Stella nodded and took the phone. She unlocked it and navigated to the movies Elide always had downloaded for emergencies. A few moments later, Elide heard Uncle Fester howling and smiled, half-listening as the light turned green and she drove on. 

Emrys and Malakai owned the best diner in town. They lived half an hour away, though, across the Florine and near the mountains, in the cosiest, most comfortable cabin ever. 

Stella was happy by the time they arrived and she leaped out of the car as soon as the gravel stopped spitting under Elide’s tires. She raced across the clearing, filled with various cars, and stomped up the few steps to the porch. 

Elide followed at a calmer pace. There was a big huge window that she looked through and saw everyone sitting on the couches and chairs that surrounded the wood stove. Her breath hitched as she saw Lorcan, relaxed with a mug of something in his hand. There was a lazy grin over his face, something he only ever showed around their family. He must’ve felt her eyes on him because he looked out the window and smiled at her. 

She grinned and walked to the door, which Stella pushed open seconds before she got there. “Hello!” she yelled. 

“Shh, pumpkin, the baby,” Lysandra said gently, leaning down to kiss Stella’s cheek. “How was school?” 

Stella frowned slightly at being shushed and shrugged her shoulder, “Um, it was ok.” She sat on the floor to undo her boots and tugged them off, neatly standing them up beside Lorcan’s. Then, Stella stood and hardly glanced at the bundle her aunt was carrying before she pranced over to Rowan. 

Elide smiled at Lysandra and stepped over to peer down at the baby, “Oh, she’s so precious. Can I hold her?” 

“Of course,” Lysandra said, cradling the back of her daughter’s head as she laid her in Elide’s arms. “I’m trying to get her to sleep, but she’s a fussy one.” 

Elide pushed the swaddle down, “Oh, hi, baby. Hi, Khalida.” She walked into the home and accepted the side-hug Malakai offered her, “Hi, Malakai.” 

“Hello, Elide,” the older man said, passing her a mug of warm cider. “How have you been?” 

“I’ve been good,” she said, sipping her drink and humming. “How much do you think I’ll have to pay your husband to give me this recipe?” 

Malakai chuckled, “Oh, he’s taking that to the grave.” 

At that moment, Emrys stepped out of the kitchen, looking between the two of them suspiciously. “Are you two conspiring against me?” 

“Always, my dear,” Malakai answered drily, kissing his husband’s cheek. He winked at Elide and walked into the living room to take a seat. 

Emrys rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Hello, Elide. And hello, Khalida.” He looked at the baby and grinned softly before looking back up at Elide, “Go find a seat, Elide, dinner will be ready soon.”

Elide nodded and made her way to the couch Lorcan was sitting on. She sat next to him, “Hey, Salvaterre.” 

“Hi, princess,” he said, wrapping his arm around her and tucking her into his side. Elide leaned against him. 

“How was Stel? She didn’t talk much about school,” Elide said, shifting Khalida to rest the baby against her chest. 

Lorcan hummed, his eyes bright as he looked at the baby, “She was… ok. She’s settling in. The other parents suck ass, though.” Elide hissed at him, looking pointedly at the baby. “C’mon, Lochan, we all know babies can’t remember anything at this age. Stel definitely does not remember that Yulemas you insisted we do.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Elide laughed. “So, why do they suck?” 

“They whisper.” 

“Ah,” she nodded, completely understanding. “You wanna hold the baby?” 

Before Lorcan could answer, Stella launched herself away from Rowan’s side and clambered next to Lorcan. She squeezed herself between Lorcan and the arm of the couch, gripping his shirt with her little fists, “No,  _ I’m  _ sitting with Daddy.” Stella glared at the bundle and Lorcan shared a mildly concerned look with Elide. 

“That’s ok,” said a calm voice. Nesryn stood up and walked over, “She should eat soon, anyway.” Elide carefully passed Khalida to her mother. “Hi, Stella Luna.” 

“Hello,” Stella sing-songed, smiling at her aunt. “I’m in school now, did you know?” 

“I did. We’re very proud of you,  _ habibi _ ,” Nesryn said, her smile warm. 

Stella smiled and hid her face in Lorcan’s side, suddenly shy. Lorcan chuckled slightly and kissed her forehead,  _ “Why don’t we go help Grampapa, hmm? I bet he’ll let you taste test.” _ She lifted her face and nodded excitedly. Stella Luna climbed off the couch and grabbed Lorcan’s arm, tugging him to the kitchen. 

“Grampapa,” she said, walking over to Emrys at the stove. “Hi!” 

Emrys looked at her and smiled, his eyes glittering warmly, “Well, hello, kiddo. Have you come to help me?” 

“Yup! And taste test, Daddy said so,” she informed him. 

“Oh, did he now?” He looked up at his son, a brow arched. “Very nice, Lorcan.” 

“Thanks,” Lorcan said, sneaking in to grab a drink from the fridge. “Smells good. Whatcha making?” 

“Mac and cheese, pork chops, and green beans,” Emrys said, stirring a sauce. “And chocolate cake for dessert, to celebrate Stella’s first week of school,” he pinched his granddaughter’s cheek and winked, “and Khalida’s one-month birthday.” The light in Stella’s eyes dimmed a bit and she angrily yanked her stool out to step on it. 

“Grampapa, where is my apron, please,” she asked, her brows snapped down. 

Emrys chuckled, but he did not miss her mood change. He fetched her personal apron from the hook by the window and helped her tie it behind her back. Lorcan watched the scene fondly, sipping on his beer, until Emrys swatted him with his spoon and he hastily exited. 

Lorcan glanced over his shoulder as he was kicked out, laughing slightly. His fingers itched and he pulled his camera out of his bag. He was discreet, enough so that no one noticed as he took a picture of grandfather and granddaughter, Emrys gently showing Stella how to chop the ends of the green beans and drop them into the colander. 

He took only one and turned to the living room. The family was spread around the warm room. Aelin and Rowan fawned over Khalida. Elide and Lysandra sat together, speaking amongst themselves. At the coffee table, Evangeline and Nesryn sat on the floor, playing a game of cards. Only Vaughan was missing, but he’d be here with Fenrys after they finished at work. Lorcan lifted the camera to his eye and took a few pictures. He knew that Essar wouldn’t be here tonight; they were going out with Manon. 

When he lowered his camera, Elide was looking at him and smiling a secret smile. Lorcan grinned and winked. She rolled her eyes and sipped from her mug. Lorcan put his camera away and sat next to Rowan, peering over his friend’s shoulder at the baby. “Hello,” he said, softly fixing her wee hat. 

“You want to hold her?” Rowan asked. 

“Yeah, for sure,” Lorcan said. He took Khalida, comfortably cradling her in the crook of his arm. “Oh, wow. I always forget how itty-bitty babies are.” He cooed over her, smiling when the baby opened her eyes and wiggled, protesting her swaddle. Lorcan undid it and gently rocked her until she’d calmed. Someone sat down next to him. The delicate cloud of elderberry and cinnamon surrounding them told him it was Elide. He nudged her, “You know, sometimes I wish Stella had never grown up. She was so cute when she was a baby.” 

Elide laughed softly and leaned across him, pinching the baby’s socked foot, “I get that. Our ‘lil bub’s growing up too fast.” 

They heard a disgusted scoff and looked up to see their daughter standing on the threshold, pure hatred in her eyes. “Dinner. Is. Ready. Come to the kitchen, please.” Stella stomped away. 

Lorcan raised his brows, “Someone’s jealous…” 

Elide slapped his chest, “Shh, idiot, not too loud. We should talk to her, hmm?” She scratched Khalida’s stomach and cooed. “Oh, such a cutie.” She picked the baby up and stood, “Come on, gang, time for food.” 

Lorcan was slightly behind and opened the door when he saw a familiar old truck pull into the gravel clearing. He leaned on the doorframe,  _ “That’s a nice truck, cousin.”  _

Vaughan hopped out of Lorcan’s truck and held up his middle finger up, “ _ I needed a ride! And you know the pup doesn’t have a licence.”  _

Fenrys stepped out and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, his braids in a bun, “What are you two going on about?” 

“Get a licence, boyo!”

“Give me the money and I will.” 

Lorcan shook his head and left the door open. He walked in and sat next to Elide at the modified workplace kitchen table. Stella snaked the spot beside Aelin and Rowan laughed warmly, sitting on Stella’s other side. “Hey, kiddo. How was school?” He picked up her plate and served her some of her favourite things. Stella bounced side to side and picked at her beans. 

“It was good, Ro. We learned songs for the apha-bet and count to ten,” she said proudly, munching on her green bean. She swallowed and recited, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10! I count to  _ ten _ .” Stella Luna twisted her plate to start on her pork. Rowan took her plate and cut her pork chop up into bites. “Hi, auntie Ash!” 

Aelin laughed warmly, “Hey, honey. How is my darling princess?” Stella Luna all but preened under her auntie’s praise and adoration. Aelin smiled and kissed Stella’s cherubic cheek. 

“I’m very good, Ash,” Stella said, “School is fun. Did you have known my teacher knows you? Mr. Havilliard.” 

“Oh, Dorian, yes! He’s sweet. You’ll like him.” 

Stella grinned and ate her dinner, happily eating and chatting to her aunt and uncle. She looked across the table and scowled at what she saw. Her mother and father, being goofy and like  _ dummies _ like usual. Mama had her twinkle eyes and Stella saw her dad’s dimples. Dummies. 

She leaned into Aelin again. The blonde woman dropped her hand on Stella’s back and rubbed gentle circles. She bent down and kissed the top of Stella Luna’s head. Aelin whispered, “I have a present for you.”

“Really? All for me?” 

“Of course! All for my favourite girl.” 

Stella grinned and buzzed excitedly. She knew Aelin would want her to eat her greens and sides, too, so she ate a bit of everything until her tummy was warmly full, with a nice space for chocolate cake. 

She looked across the table and saw her father looking at her. He made a face. Stella looked away so she wouldn’t laugh. She would not bend. She would  _ prevail. _

Stella peeked back and saw him make another face. She smiled and looked him head on. Lorcan mirrored her serious expression and Stella flicked her eyes upwards. When she snapped them back, she almost caught him making a face. Giggling, Stella looked away again and tried to catch him. 

They played with that for a couple minutes, until Stella Luna was their happy, bubbly babe again. She happily nibbled at her dinner, waiting for dessert. She kicked her feet into her father’s and grinned. Elide smiled at the sight and leaned her elbow against Lorcan’s shoulder, casually toying with his hair. “Nice work, L.” 

“My pleasure, princess.” 

Dessert came soon and was gone just as quick. Stella Luna dutifully took her plate and put it in the dishwasher. After, she took Aelin’s hand and danced over into the living room. Aelin laughed joyfully and brought to her a gift bag. “Is that for me?” Stella asked, buzzing in anticipation. 

“It is indeed,” Aelin said, taking the seat next to her niece. “Open it, honey.” Stella tore through the wrapping paper, tossing it to the side. She peered in, her jaw dropping. Almost reverently, the four-year old pulled out a children’s faux-fur cheetah print coat. Elide was standing at the threshold, a small grin on her face. “What do you think?” 

“I  _ love _ it, Ash,” Stella all but gushed, standing up so she could slip her arms in the sleeves. She petted the soft exterior, her eyes wide. Aelin smiled gently, love and care in her eyes, and helped Stella do the buttons, smoothing it all out. 

“Well, don’t you look pretty,” said a deep voice, with a rolling brogue. Rowan sat next to Aelin, his hand covering her lower back. Aelin leaned into her husband. 

Stella giggled and climbed into his lap, sitting with her aunt and uncle. 

From the threshold, Elide said, “I thought I told you to stop spoiling my child.” 

“You did,” Aelin replied, flipping her hair off her shoulder. Stella switched to Aelin’s lap, accidentally delivering a vicious and swift kick to Rowan’s thigh in the process. Valiantly, the man swallowed his groan of pain, biting the inside of his cheek. “But how could I not?” Aelin hugged her niece, holding her precious against her chest. “I can never say ‘no’ to this face.” 

Elide snorted, shaking her head at her cousin’s ridiculousness. When a door opened down the hall, she turned to see who it was. Nesryn and Lysandra walked out of one of the guest bedroom’s, a wee bundle cradled to the former’s chest. Elide smiled, “Aw, is she sleeping?” 

“Yes, finally,” Lysandra said, laughing tiredly. 

Nesryn took Lysandra’s hand and leaned in, whispering in her ear, “Let’s sit, you have to rest.” 

“Fussy, fussy, fussy,” her green-eyed wife tutted. Nesryn looked at her, unimpressed, and Lysandra happily conceded, letting Nesryn guide her to one of the chairs. 

Nesryn ensured that Lysandra was comfortable and turned to Elide, Khalida’s head cradled in her hand, “Will you hold her, El? I’ve got to use the toilet.” 

“Oh, of course,” Elide said, eagerly taking the babe, slumbering in a state of milk drunkenness. She ran her finger over the smooth curve of Khalida’s cheek and kissed her brow, gently humming a Blackbeak lullaby. Elide rocked side to side, winking once at Lorcan as he sat next to Vaughan. 

Stella trailed over to them, wearing her brand new coat. She patted Vaughan’s cheek,  _ “I drawed something today, do you want to see?” _

_ “Obviously I do,” _ Vaughan answered, putting his mug of cider on the coffee table. 

Lorcan chuckled,  _ “Can I see too?” _

Stella nodded and carefully unbuttoned her jacket. She pulled out a piece of paper that had been folded as many times as possible. She squeezed herself between her uncle and her father, looking down as she unfolded her drawing slowly and carefully,  _ “It’s a dragon, so don’t be scared, ok? It’s not a  _ real _ dragon.” _

Vaughan hummed in appreciation,  _ “Oh, good, I was worried it would be frightening.” _

Lorcan opened his mouth to say something, but then his phone started to buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out, a slight frown gracing his brow. “One sec, kiddo, I’ve got to get this.” He kissed the side of Stella’s head, “Show me later, ok?” 

Stella watched him walk away, hurt clouding her eyes. Lorcan walked onto the porch and his jaw tensed before he accepted the call. “Maeve.” 

_ “Lorcan, my darling, how are you?” _

“I’m fine. I’m at dinner right now, can I call you later?” 

The woman on the other side of the call sighed,  _ “Mmm… no. Sorry. I’m busy later.” _ Lorcan shook his head, resisting the urge to slam his fist into the wooden railing. This, like everything, was a game to her. 

“Fine. What is it?” Lorcan sat down on the swinging bench. 

_ “I’ll be in Orynth in a couple weeks. We should meet up and talk.”  _

He sighed through his nose, “About what? I already told you I haven’t decided if I want the job or not.” 

There was a pretend pout in Maeve’s voice,  _ “Oh, I had so hoped you had! We can’t dilly-dally in this, Lorcan, the decision needs to be made quickly.”  _

Lorcan closed his eyes, his hand briefly squeezing his phone, “I don’t have an answer.” 

_ “Lorcan. We’ve discussed this. This would be a huge opportunity for you and your career. You would be the most sought-out concert photographer in the world.”  _

He rolled his eyes, his denial resting on the tip of his tongue. Lorcan didn’t say anything for a long moment, toying with his tongue piercing. He opened his mouth to answer and just as he did, the door opened and Elide walked out, “Have you seen- oh, I didn’t know you were on a call.” 

Lorcan pulled the phone away from his ear and covered the mic, “It’s nothing, it’s just Maeve.” 

Elide stiffened, her face carefully blank. “Maeve, really? I didn’t know… you two still spoke.” 

“Princess, it’s not–” 

“Lorcan, you don’t have to explain yourself,” she said, her voice tight and eyes empty. “It’s your life. Talk to whoever you want, I don’t care. What I do care about is where our daughter is, have you seen her?” 

His heart dropped, “No, I don’t know where she is. She was sitting with Vaughan five minutes ago.” Lorcan stood. He put the phone to his ear, “Maeve, I’ll speak with you later. Something’s happened.” Before Maeve could say another word, Lorcan hung up and put his phone in his pocket. 

He walked over to Elide, his hand ghosting over her lower back. Elide moved so that he wasn’t touching her anymore. Lorcan’s cheeks flushed and they didn’t say a word as they went back inside. 

From across the room, Rowan looked at Lorcan, silently asking if everything was ok. Lorcan nodded his head shallowly.  _ It’s fine. _

Lorcan stalked down the hallway, knowing exactly where Stella Luna was. It was her favourite room in the entire house, her grandfathers’ library-slash-office. Elide followed him, the corners of her mouth tight. The tension between them was choking him. He hated it. 

The heavy door at the end of the hallway was cracked open. Warm light spilled from it. Elide made to move past him, immediately going to soothe their child. Lorcan stopped her, “El… this is my fault. Can I just… talk to her for a sec?” 

Elide nodded, offering him a small smile, “Ok. Good luck.” She turned around and walked back down the hallway. 

Lorcan exhaled slowly and stepped to the door, knocking three times. “Tiny?” He pushed the door open and walked in, closing it behind him. His eyes landed on Stella Luna, who was curled in Emrys’ leather wingback chair. The soft blanket that was always hanging over the back was covering the child. “Hey, kid. Why’d you go?” 

“‘Acause I wanted to,'' Stella snapped, lifting her head. Her angular eyes filled with tears and she sniffed, wiping them with her fists. She glared at him, her bottom lip trembling. “Nobody wants me here. I’m too loud and no one wants to look at my drawing.” Stella Luna sniffled and cried, “All they want to do is look at the  _ baby _ ,” she practically spat the last word, “and all she does is sleep and  _ cry _ .” 

“Stella,” Lorcan said, shaking his head. He walked across the floor and something crinkled under his foot. Not daring to breathe, Lorcan looked down. It was a white piece of paper, crumpled into a ball. He moved his foot and kneeled, picking it up. Heart splitting down the middle, Lorcan unbunched it and smoothed it out, his breath escaping him in a rush. “Baby…” 

“I’m sorry,” Stella cried, hiccuping rapidly. Lorcan stood and scooped her up, holding her to him as she sobbed. “I’m- I- I’m s-s-sorry I grow, D-da-ddy. It- it w-was an a-a-accident.” 

He tucked her head against his shoulder and sat on the floor, his back against the bookcase. When he spoke, he used his mother tongue,  _ “No, my darling moon, don’t apologise. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” _ Lorcan whispered, his eyes closing.  _ “Stella… I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want you to stop growing.”  _ He brushed her hair back, kissing her forehead.  _ “You’re way cooler than Khalida.”  _

Stella sniffled and cried again, reaching for her drawing. Her little hands shook as she carefully smoothed out the wrinkled page. She moved to sit next to him, her tears dripping down her cheeks and hitting the paper.  _ “I drawed it for you, Daddy.” _ Stella gave it to him, cuddling close into his side.  _ “It’s a dragon, a big big dragon.”  _

Lorcan had an arm around her as he smoothed it out. The dragon was crudely drawn, with purple, green, and black. He smiled, looking at the red forked tongue and fire it breathed.

_ “It’s breathing fire, Daddy, see? And there is mean people attacking her, but she is too big,” _ she said quietly, pointing out the cluster of stick figures brandishing swords and the like.  _ “Do you like it?” _

_ “I love it,” _ Lorcan said, wearing a proud grin.  _ “The dragon is very scary, Tiny.” _ Stella Luna smiled and wiped her cheeks. She yawned into his side.  _ “Tired, Stel?”  _

His baby vehemently shook her head. Her eyelids drooped as she protested,  _ “No, I am not.” _

Lorcan swallowed his laughter. He picked her up and stood, wiping away the tears that lined her eyes and long lashes. Stella sighed through her button nose and rested her head against his shoulder,  _ “Where is mama, Daddy?”  _

_ “Why don’t we find her, hmm?” _ Lorcan said. Stella nodded. He hummed and walked out of the office. Lysandra looked up, an empathic wince twisting her face. Lorcan shook his head, indicating that she wasn’t to blame. “Um… where’s El?” 

“Front porch,” Aelin bit out, glaring at him. He gently recoiled, not used to one of her fatal glares. She hadn’t looked like that since right after Elide got pregnant. 

“O-okay…” Lorcan said uncertainly. He walked onto the front porch, grabbing a thick blanket from the pile near the door. “Princess? Want some company?” 

Elide looked at them, her smile warm, but her shoulders tight. “‘Course.” She moved to make space. 

Lorcan sat, passing Stella to her mother and spreading the blanket around the three of them. He slung his arm around Elide’s shoulder and she held Stella in her lap, leaning into Lorcan. “You and Maeve? Again?” 

He tightened, unnoticeable to anyone but her, and said through a tense jaw, “Yeah. I guess. She’s a tour manager now. We were at… this party together and hung out, I guess, over the summer.” His cheeks heated. “She offered me a permanent job.” 

“Here in Orynth?” 

Lorcan didn’t answer.

“Lorcan?” Elide’s voice was sharp. “Here. In. Orynth. Right?” 

“It’s in Doranelle.” 

_ “What?” _ She almost couldn’t conceive of words. “Lorcan.  _ Doranelle. _ You… you aren’t thinking about this.” Elide sat up, pushing his arm off of her. “Oh. Oh, oh… you are, aren’t you?” She blinked, her eyes quickly filling with tears. Quickly, Elide stood. She held Stella to her chest, her hands shaking. “Oh my gods. Oh my gods.” Elide started to ramble in Blackbeak, her slavic words tripping over themselves. 

“Lee,” Lorcan said, also standing up. “Princess, it’s not like that!” 

Elide whirled on him, “Lorcan! You’re considering it! You’re thinking about it - I know you.” 

“Princess–”

“Don’t you dare call me that right now,” Elide whispered, pointing a shaking finger at him. “I’m going to put Stella down. We’ll be here a few hours more.” Without another word, she turned and walked back into the house. 

Lorcan tried to follow her but stopped, resting against the railing. Through the window, he could see Elide walking up the staircase. He shook his head and knocked one of his rings into the wooden plank of the banister.

Pushing off the rail, Lorcan stalked inside and to the second floor, ignoring everyone else. Down the hall, the door of the guest room dedicated to Stella was half-closed. Lorcan walked down to it and pushed it open, his eyes landing on the bed. Elide was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching Stella sleep. “Elide…” 

“Just go,  _ please _ ,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “Lorcan. Go.” 

He breathed in slowly, “Lochan. It could be huge for my career and I didn’t even say yes.”

Elide didn’t look at him, her lower lip trembling. “You didn’t say no, either, Salvaterre.” 

Lorcan toyed with his smiley piercing. “What does that matter, Elide? It’s a  _ year _ away, I’m still here.” 

“Do you think Stella won’t need you in a year? That  _ I _ won’t?” She dragged her red eyes to his. “You’re still thinking about walking out. You told me you would  _ never _ leave, and you’re considering it.” Elide swallowed, her voice raspy, “When did that change?” 

“It didn’t,” Lorcan insisted, stepping closer. “It  _ hasn’t _ , it would never, princess.” 

She shook her head. She closed her eyes. Too many tears slipped down her cheeks and she held her fingertips to her lips, “Please. Just go. I can’t be around you.” 

He stopped and turned, respecting that boundary. He’d never break one. Lorcan closed the door behind him and trudged downstairs. All eyes were on him, so Lorcan looked up, staring at the window over Rowan’s shoulder. “Maeve offered me a job. We’ve been talking.” 

The warmth dropped immediately. Fenrys was the first to speak, “So?” 

“There’s a catch,” Lorcan said, his eyes lowering to the carpet. “It’s in Doranelle.” 

Not a word. 

Then. 

“You  _ bastard _ ,” Aelin hissed, standing. Her husband stood up as Lorcan retreated, ceding ground. “You’re thinking about leaving Elide? Leaving your  _ child _ ?” She looked him up and down in disgust. “I thought you were better than this. I never thought you’d end up like your ol’ pops. Thought you hated him, or something.” 

Lorcan snapped his eyes to Aelin’s and bared his teeth, “Shut your gods-damned mouth, Ashryver, for  _ once _ in your life. Don’t talk about that. Ever. You know  _ nothing  _ about my life. You have no idea what it is to be a parent.” He shifted his harsh glare to Rowan, daring him to comment. When he didn’t, Lorcan scoffed and walked out, remembering to gently close the door. He stalked down the porch and across the gravel to his truck. 

Unhitching the tailgate, Lorcan pushed himself up on the edge. His legs dangled down. Between his knees, his hands were loosely clasped. Lorcan waited in silence for a while and he pulled his phone out. 

He called Maeve and held the phone to his ear, waiting for her to pick up,  _ “My darling, is that you? Have you an answer?”  _

“Yes.” 

_ “Oh, will I like it?”  _

“I don’t care. I’m not taking the job.”

Maeve laughed and the cold sound sent unsettling shivers down his spine.  _ “I’m sure you aren’t. Talk to you later, darling!”  _

The phone beeped, indicating the call had been ended. Lorcan put his phone back in his pocket and looked up, where the trees poked the deep blue-black sky, dotted with stars. 

A few minutes later, he heard footsteps crunch over the gravel. 

He already knew who it was. Without moving, Lorcan told Elide. “I called Maeve. Told her no.” 

Elide walked over to him and pushed her own self up, “Ok. That’s good, right?” 

“Right,” Lorcan answered, flatly. He cleared his throat, more enthusiastic, “No, yeah, for sure. It’s a good thing. I don’t need that.” Her relieved grin was a flash of white through the dark. Lorcan chuckled and pulled her into his side, resting his chin on her head, “Stel’s really sleeping? She had a hard time this week.” 

Elide hummed and nodded, “Yeah, she’s passed out.” She hesitated, “That coat… Aelin bought was cute, yeah?” 

Lorcan nodded mutely.

They stayed there for another hour, not noticing the time. When the Faliq-Ennars were heading home, Elide and Lorcan went back in, drinking small nightcaps. Lorcan retrieved Stella and carried her to Elide’s car. He kissed her brow, whispering a good night to her. After, he turned to Elide and swept her into a slow hug. 

It was the only part in their life where they allowed self-indulgence. Elide slid her arms around his shoulders and Lorcan squeezed her waist, his head in her shoulder. “Drive safe, Lochan.” 

“Do you need a ride, Lor?” 

“Nah, I’ll drive in with the boys. Lysandra picked me up out of town.” 

They reluctantly pulled away from each other and Elide smiled as she nodded. “Ok. I’ll see you then, yeah?” 

“Yeah. Sweet dreams, princess.” 

Her cheeks pinked and soon, she was driving her SUV away. Lorcan idly turned back to the house, freezing with his foot on the bottom step. The Ashryver-Whitethorns were standing at the top of the stairs, imposing frowns on their regal faces. He didn’t move and no one said a word. Rowan walked down and clapped his back, “Bye, Lor. We can talk tomorrow.” 

Lorcan nodded. 

Rowan walked to their sleek car and waited in the passenger seat for Aelin. 

Aelin slowly stepped down, her eyes tracking Lorcan’s. The woman was too perceptive - often for her own good. “Lorcan. I’m sorry for mentioning your father. That was too far. I think you’re a wonderful parent.” 

He nodded curtly, “Thanks.” 

Thinking that was it, Lorcan passed Aelin, only stopping when she held up a finger. “But. This has got to end, Lorcan.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You and Elide.” she said plainly, nothing but honesty on her clear face. “You’d said you’d stop your arrangement when it stopped working, but has it ever worked?” 

Lorcan swallowed, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

Aelin didn’t blink at it, the obvious lie. She went on, calm and commanding. “You two pretending you’re not in love with each other, pretending that this isn’t suffocating you?” 

“Stop,” Lorcan said, his voice hardly above a hiss. “Elide isn’t in love with me. Please. Don’t tell me she is. I can’t- I can’t do that again.” He shook his head. “Not that.” 

Aelin shrugged a slim shoulder up, “Fine.” She turned and walked away, pausing with her hand on the driver’s door’s handle, the car obscuring most of her body. “Don’t forget, though - you two aren’t the only ones this affects.” The implication was unmistakable. 

Without another word, Aelin waved her fingers and slid in her leather seat. Soon, Lorcan was frozen, watching, through unseeing eyes, the car’s rear lights grow smaller and smaller still. 

Fuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive written essar as a nonbinary lesbian who uses they/she pronouns. i will be using the pronouns interchangeably with a preference of they/them <3 i also write essar as maori - the tattoos on her chin and lip are kauwae which is a form of ta moko that only maori women receive - there are different ta moko placements for men and women <3
> 
> khalida is an arabic name that means 'immortal/everlasting' 
> 
> songs in chapter (by order of appearance):  
> 1\. Valerie - Amy Winehouse


	6. Chapter 6

_ five years ago  _

Elide drank her iced coffee and idly watched her friend, Lysandra, race around her bakery. “Elide! Where is my phone?!” the normally collected woman asked, her voice shrill with nerves. 

Calmly, Elide shoved off of the table she leaned against and walked over, the buckles on her knee-high platform boots clinking. She reached around Lysandra’s waist and plucked the green-eyed beauty’s phone from the back pocket of her mom jeans, “Here you go. Coffee?” 

Lysandra sighed and tucked a strand of hair that had escaped her loose braid behind her ear. “No, thanks. It’ll make me more nervous.” 

Elide smiled gently and put her hand on Lysandra’s upper arm, rubbing it up and down to soothe, “Lys, c’mon. You and Nesryn are ready for this. Evangeline adores you two.” 

“Yeah, but her room isn’t even finished! There isn’t even a  _ bed _ ,” the baker replied, her voice only rising in pitch. 

“And that’s what the boys are for,” Elide said. “Why don’t I go call them, see how it’s going?” 

“Yes,” Lysandra said. “Please.”

The tattoo artist nodded and smiled, stepping away to call. Her thumb hovered over Rowan and Lorcan’s contacts, deciding which of the two she would call. Fenrys hardly ever picked up his phone and she didn’t know Vaughan well enough to call. 

She chose and held the phone to her ear, her gut wrenching with anticipation. It rang a few times before it picked up and a voice answered, smooth like whiskey and just as deep,  _ “Hello?” _

“Hey, you,” Elide said, her voice somehow steady. She hadn’t seen or spoken with him in three weeks, since they’d both gone home over the holidays. 

_ “Princess,” _ Lorcan said, a small smile in his voice.  _ “To what do I owe the pleasure?”  _

She looked at Lysandra, “Ms. Ennar-Faliq would like to know when her daughter’s bed is getting here?” Behind her, the door opened. Elide turned to see Lorcan, Rowan, and Vaughan carry in a large box. Fenrys danced in after them, off in his own world with his earbuds in. Over the few months Elide had known the boy, the one thing she had learned was that when he had his earbuds in, there was no mortal that could call him back down to earth. 

Lorcan had the phone to his ear and smiled at her, “Momentarily.” 

Elide rolled her eyes and hung up, “Honey, the menfolk have returned!” 

He snorted and put his phone in his pocket, his question directed towards Lysandra, “Where do you want this?” 

“Follow me,” she instructed, waving them to the back of the bakery. There was a staircase that led to the apartment Lysandra, Nesryn, and now Evangeline lived in. 

The boys nodded and dutifully followed Lysandra. Elide watched them go, her eyes on Lorcan. Heat rose to her cheeks and she hoped they would get a moment to chat later. 

She had missed him. 

At that moment, her phone buzzed. Elide looked down to see a number she didn’t recognise had texted her. 

_ (202) 555-0157: Elide! It’s Yrene  _

_ (202) 555-0157: I loved seeing you over the holidays _

_ (202) 555-0157: I hope you don’t mind that I asked your mother for your new number  _

_ elide: yrene ! no, no it’s fine _

_ elide: it was great to see u too _

She added Yrene’s name and number to a contact and they texted, benignly, for a few minutes. Then, Elide heard a shout and loud crash from upstairs. She looked up in alarm and fisted a hand in the gentle material of her black tiered skirt so her steps wouldn’t be hindered as she went up the narrow and steep stairs. “Guys? Is everything alright?” 

The black door at the top of the steps was closed, but not locked, so Elide twisted the doorknob to let herself in. 

“We’re good!” Fenrys hollered back from the second floor. 

“You’re  _ bleeding _ , pup, I think that counts as ‘not good’,” Rowan’s deep voice chastised. 

Elide snorted softly and walked upstairs. She peered in, seeing Lorcan, Vaughan, and Rowan kneeled around Fenrys. Rowan held a tissue to Fenrys’ nose until the boy batted his hand away, “I’m  _ fine _ , it doesn’t even hurt that badly!” 

“Fenrys, you broke your nose,” Rowan reminded him, his tone dry and ever-suffering. “We need to go to the hospital.” 

Fenrys rolled his eyes and turned to the women at the door, “It’s not that bad, is it?” He stood up and Rowan got to his feet as well, steadying his friend. Fenrys pulled the tissue away and Elide gasped. 

“Fenrys! It’s completely broken,” Elide said, walking over to him. The bridge of his short nose was snapped at an almost perfect ninety-degree angle, though the rounded tip remained in the same place. She reached up, gingerly touching it. Fenrys winced, tears drawn to his eyes. “You’re going to the hospital.” 

“But the bed–” 

“I will drive you there and you three,” Elide pointed at Lorcan, Vaughan, and Rowan, “will stay and finish the bed so Lys doesn’t lose her mind whole.” 

“Lose my what whole?” Lysandra asked idly as she walked into the room, carrying a basket of things. “Fenrys, oh no, are you alright?” 

“I broke my nose,” he said, his head tilted up. 

Lysandra’s eyes widened and she quickly put the basket down, stepping over to him, “What, how?” 

He started to speak, but his words were so muffled and jumbled, no one could understand him. Lorcan spoke for him, “Vee was holding one of the boards and it slipped and hit Fen’s face.” 

Fenrys nodded in confirmation. Elide sighed, “Ok, well, let’s go, Fen. We’ve got to get you to the hospital.” She led him down the stairs, carefully, and out the front door. “How’re you feeling, hon?” 

“My nose hurts,” he replied, his voice clogged and thick. “And I want to punch Vaughan.” 

She laughed and helped him into the passenger seat of her car, “I’m sure you do.” The boy leaned his head back against the headrest and groaned, his eyes screwed shut. Elide quickly crossed the front of the car and slid behind the wheel. “Buckle up, buttercup.” 

Fenrys complied, his eyes remaining closed as he groped for the seat belt buckle. Elide did hers as Fenrys clipped his and they were off. 

She drove smoothly and reached over to take his hand, “You want some music, Fen?” 

“Sure,” Fenrys said. “Your choice.” 

☽ ☼ ☾

They stepped back, scrutinising their handiwork. Lorcan reached up and shook the frame, while Vaughan tapped the tall posts it was lofted on. They looked at each other and shrugged, turning to Lysandra. “It’s done.” 

“Perfect, because Nes is on her way home right now,” Lysandra said, smiling in relief. “Can you two help me with something downstairs?” 

“Of course,” Vaughan replied, nodding his head serenely. 

“Good!” The baker turned and walked downstairs, leading them along. 

When they got to the café, Rowan had Aelin pressed against the side of the coffee machine, her hands locked around the back of his neck, her leg hitched over his hip. Lysandra paused and crossed her arms, arching a brow at them. Vaughan muttered something about sexual deviants and averted his eyes.

“You know Lys has to serve customers with that thing, right? I think they’d appreciate not having you guys infect it with your STI’s,” Lorcan commented, leaning his forearm on Lysandra’s shoulder and using her as an armrest. 

Rowan pulled away, his cheeks flushed. Aelin smirked and kissed her boyfriend once more before slinking away from him, “I’m glad to know you’re concerned for my sexual health, Lorcan.” 

He gagged.

The golden nightmare cackled and fixed her hair, waltzing up to her friend, “How can I help you, boss?” 

“If you two can’t control yourselves,” Lysandra started, shoving Lorcan off and towards the chairs stacked on the table, “you may leave. And get the chairs.”

“And miss meeting your daughter? Never,” Aelin sniffed. “We can control ourselves.” 

“ _ We _ ?” Rowan asked. 

Aelin rolled her brilliant eyes and conceded, “ _ He _ can control himself.” She waved her hand, “Whatever, I’ll be good.” 

The brunette walked into the kitchen to fetch trays of Evangeline’s favourite baked goods and sweets, muttering, “You’d fuckin’ better.” 

The others made quick work of readying the chairs and setting the table. Vaughan and Lorcan were strategic and subtly put themselves between Aelin and their roommate, so there was no way for them to go to each other without passing under the disapproving glare of the cousins. Lorcan’s promised violence, but Vaughan’s was much worse - filled with fatherly disappointment and gay distaste. No one could withstand it. 

Lysandra swept back out, bumping the swinging door open with her hip, “Guys, it’s so boring in here, will one of you play some music?” 

Aelin practically lunged with her phone towards the amp and took the aux before either Lorcan or Vaughan even looked up. Lorcan made a confused face, “What was that?” 

She scrolled through her music library, “I’m not letting you corrupt that dear child with your punk rock shit.” 

“ _ Corrupt? _ ” 

“Mm-hm!” 

“Not that I don’t simply adore it when the two of you go at it,” Lysandra cut in before Lorcan could snap back something, “I need someone tall to help me.” 

“Vee’s tall, make him do it,” Lorcan countered, even though he crossed over to help her. 

“Shush, you. Come this way.” 

They walked into the backroom and after Lysandra’s direction, Lorcan started pulling heavy boxes from the top most shelf. They were heavy and he puffed, not prepared for how heavy they’d be, “Hellas below, Ennar, the fuck’s in these?” 

“Bags of flour and sugar,” she answered, dragging them to a wheeled dolly. “So, how was home?” 

He shrugged, “It was fine. Cold as shit, though.” 

Lysandra laughed, “Is that all?” 

“No, there was a powwow,” Lorcan said, tugging the last box down and putting it on the dolly. “I was designated as the official photographer.” 

“Of course you were,” she said, taking another trolley and loading crates of butter onto it. The blocks would sit overnight to soften before Lysandra and her assistant got up to bake. “This wasn’t a competition, was it?” 

“No, not this one. Just for the solstice, ya know?” 

“Ah,” Lysandra nodded, understanding. “Did you dance?” 

When he was a child, Lorcan used to be a powwow dancer, like the others. His grandmother and mother kept shelves in their house dedicated to the trophies and medals he used to win and the ones his sisters brought in now. “Nah, I didn’t. I’m out of practice and none of my regalia fits anymore. The girls did, ‘cause they got new jingle dresses at the feast.” 

Lysandra made a noise of exertion as she braced her feet against the polished concrete floor and leaned into the handle, pushing the trolley out. “And how was everything else? You went with Ess and Vee, right?” 

“Yeah, but Essar’s staying a week longer,” Lorcan said, using his foot as leverage to push the heavy dolly. “She and Dresenda went to Oro with Fen before flying up. What’d you and Nesryn do?” 

“Oh, not much. We had a lot to do for Evie and we fostered a set of triplets,” she said with a beaming grin. Lorcan hadn’t ever seen her smile this much, not even after she’d barfed on him the first time they’d met. Twice. 

Thankfully, they had become fast friends after that. 

“And Yulemas is always a busy time for Nes,” she added. The social worker worked harder than anyone Lorcan had ever known and was always bringing home the strays, as she affectionately dubbed the children she met in her work. “She managed to find a home for the kids, which is especially hard for siblings, but they’re so happy.” 

They conversed like that, effortless and understanding, as they put the ingredients away and Lorcan moved the industrial stand mixer for her. 

“How’re you and Elide doing?” 

His spine straightened and Lorcan cursed the heat rising to his cheeks. Lysandra’s voice was casual, but her question was anything but. “We’re fine.” 

“Mmm-hmm,” she hummed, pulling out her binder of recipes and flipping through them to choose an array of baked goods. “Did you two talk over break?” 

“A bit. We were both busy.” 

“Right,” Lysandra said. Lorcan looked at her and chuckled a bit, knowing she had completely zoned out. 

“Lys?” 

“Hmmm, what? I’m listening, promise.” 

“No you aren’t,” Lorcan said, reaching over to flick her forehead. 

Lysandra clicked her tongue and looked at him, “What, what? You talked a bit, you were both busy, I’m listening!” 

“You’re drooling over chocolate and strawberry  _ mille feuilles. _ ” 

“Well, of course I am, they’re delicious,” she sniffed. She sighed and flipped through the laminated pages, muttering something to herself. 

Lorcan knew that she was stressed and nervous - Lysandra would obsess over recipes in her binder whenever she felt herself lose control. The kitchen was the one place where she was in charge of everything. Calmly, he put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him, “Ennar, you need to breathe, man. You already chose the specials for tomorrow and you’ve done everything you can. Breathe.” 

She nodded, her eyes searching his until she calmed and breathed slowly, “Yeah. Yeah, I can do this. I’m ready.” 

“Fucking rights you are,” he said, slinging his arm around her shoulders. Lorcan led them out of the kitchen. 

The door opened as they walked out, the bell above it chiming. A slender, brown hand reached up to silence it, “Hello, all.” 

A little girl, with hair like flames, sprinted across the shop, “Lys!” 

Lysandra grinned widely and stepped away from Lorcan, her arms open. The girl crashed into her, her reedy arms locked around Lysandra’s neck. The dark-haired woman held her daughter close, a hand cradling the back of her head, “Oh, hi, Evie.” 

Everyone else grinned at the sight and a slim woman sidled up to Lorcan, her eyes on her wife and their daughter, “Hello, Lorcan.” 

“Hey, Nesryn,” he said, nudging her with his elbow. “How’ve you been?” 

Nesryn turned to face him and Lorcan saw tears shining in her eyes, “Never better.” 

☽ ☼ ☾

Elide helped Fenrys get out of the car, as the splint they’d set his nose in obscured part of his vision. “Come on, you big baby.” 

“I am not a baby, my nose hurts!” 

She laughed and tucked her arm through his elbow, “You’re very macho, Fen.” 

He nodded, his short dreads bouncing, “Yes, I am.” He raised his chin and howled like a wolf. 

Elide laughed, her stomach aching, “Stop being goofy, let’s go, we’re already late.” 

“‘t’s Vee’s fault,” he pouted. 

She merely laughed again and pushed the door open, singing, “We’re back! Did you miss us?” 

“With everything I am,” Aelin responded. 

“Aha, I knew it,” Elide said. Her eyes scanned the room, snagging on Lorcan. She gave him a small grin that widened when he winked in response. Before she could become distracted, Elide moved on and saw a young girl. “Hello, there. You must be Evangeline.” 

She nodded, shyly, “Yes. It’s nice to meet you.” 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Evangeline. I’ve been looking forward to it,” she said, grinning warmly. “My name’s Elide and this is Fenrys.” 

Fenrys waved, “‘Sup? Don’t mind the face, I broke my nose.” 

Evangeline nodded seriously and tentatively trailed up to them. She looked at the buckles on Elide’s boots, which were hearts. “Your boots are cool.” 

In the background, Lorcan punched Aelin as if to say,  _ My work here is done _ , in regards to ‘corrupting’ the child. Aelin grabbed his wrist and viciously twisted his arm behind his back, pushing until it hurt. 

Nesryn reached over, “Stop that.” Immediately, they stopped and mumbled sheepish apologies. She chuckled and shook her head, turning her eyes back to her daughter. 

Evangeline strayed towards Lorcan, Elide, Vaughan, and Fenrys, asking them questions about their clothes and tattoos. She gingerly touched the spikes on the shoulders of Lorcan’s jacket and asked Fenrys about all the rips in his jeans.

He told her about each and every skate fall with huge, theatric sweeping arm motions. He wore them like badges of honour. 

The others readied the table and dinner, sitting down too. Elide was opposite Lorcan and he watched her watch the pair. Her grin was easy, her eyes thinning. He wanted her so badly and dearly. To be called hers. 

Something alerted her and she looked down at her lap, a bluish light, like her phone, shone on her face. Elide’s pale cheeks bloomed with a deep blush and his heart fluttered, then cracked when he realised it wasn’t his message she was blushing over.

He cleared his throat and spoke to Vaughan about nothing in particular. They ate their dinners and laughed along everyone else. Lorcan’s mind kept drifting to her blush, wondering who it was. 

After dinner, he volunteered to clean up. Their riff-raff family understood his need to be alone sometimes. It was… overwhelming, being around them for too long. It didn’t mean he didn’t care about them.

Lorcan trudged to the kitchen and hung his jacket up before he washed, his ratty black Joey Ramone t-shirt hanging from his lean frame. He attached his phone to the speaker and played his favourite playlist. 

_ Come on, people, now  _

_ Smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now  _

He started to wash the dishes and pushed his hair back with soapy fingers. It was long, past his hips and low belt. In all his life, he had never cut it. He hoped he would never have to.

_ When I was an alien, cultures weren’t opinions _

_ Gotta find a way, find a way, when I’m there  _

_ Gotta find a way, a better way, I’d better wait _

For his people, for the Ozuye, hair was sacred - an extension of his spirit. Cutting was a sign of respect and grief, when someone you cared for deeply passed. 

_ Never met a wise man, if so it’s a woman _

_ Gotta find a way, when I’m there _

The doors swung open and clunky boots walked closer to him. He tensed and looked over his shoulder at Elide. Lorcan smiled tightly, “Hey, princess.” 

She sighed and stood beside him. Elide punched his shoulder and hopped up on the counter. “Don’t call me that, stupid. I’m not a princess.” She sniffed primly and crossed her leg over the other, clasping her hands on her knee. 

“Riot princess,” Lorcan replied, rinsing the utensils. 

“...Ok. That I like.” She looked at him, “Is that my contact?” 

He snorted and laughed, his shoulders shaking. “Nah… not exactly, Lee.” 

She gasped and pushed his shoulder, “ _ What?  _ Tell me, I gots to know!” 

Lorcan rinsed his hands and dried them with the towel. “You really wanna know?” 

“Yes, yes, yes, you twit.”

He flicked her cheek, “Insulting me won’t help.” Elide sighed and crossed her arms, drumming her fingers in her upper arms. “It’s ‘Discount Alice Cullen’.” 

Elide’s jaw dropped open and she gasped loudly, “Come  _ on _ , that’s not even good!” She gestured to her hair, which was really more of a curly shag cut. “I don’t even look like her anymore.” 

Laughing, Lorcan leaned away from her and she punched him again, “Fine, I’ll just change you to ‘Discount Heath Ledger’.” 

He shrugged, “So? I stand by him.”

Elide clicked her tongue, “Stupid.” 

He knocked his head into hers, “Princess.”

_ Just because you’re paranoid, don’t mean they’re not after you... _

_ Gotta find a way, find a way, when I’m there _

_ Gotta find a way, a better way, I’d better wait! _

They sat in a comfortable silence. Elide picked at her nails, “How was your break?” 

“Pretty good. Got some cool photos.” 

“Yeah? Anything you wanna show me?” 

Lorcan nodded, “Yeah, actually. I dunno, it’s a ‘lil thing to say congrats for the tattoo job.” Elide had graduated her apprenticeship a month and a bit after they’d met. 

For her first tattoo, she’d tattooed  _ Golden Girl  _ above Aelin’s knees, one word on each leg. They’d thrown a party after to celebrate. 

Her eyes sparkled and she toyed with the stud in her Cupid’s bow. “I look forward to it.” They looked away again, stomachs hopping. 

Lorcan bumped his shoulder into hers, “Did ya miss me in your ivory tower?” 

“Yeah,” Elide said, resting her head on his shoulder, “Kinda. Did you? Miss me?” 

“Yeah,” he sniffed, knocking the toe of his Doc Martens into the rubber mat over scuffed linoleum. “Kinda.” 

☽ ☼ ☾

They all slinked out when Evangeline became sleepy. Elide had hugged Lysandra, kissing her cheek, “I’ll see you later, honey.” 

“Of course, El,” Lysandra said. 

Lorcan and Vaughan were standing by the streetlamp. The taller of the two cousins carried Fenrys in a piggy back, the teen drowsy from the light pain meds. 

As Elide strolled to Rowan’s car with Aelin, her phone buzzed. She knew who it was and had been blushing at her texts all evening. 

Something about talking to Yrene always made her feel like a young girl again, so smitten with her first girlfriend. 

_ yrene: You can totally say no if you don’t want to, but I’m going to be in Orynth soon to check the med school _

_ yrene: Maybe we could get dinner some time?  _

“Honey, you want a ride?” 

“Oh… no, it’s fine. I’m going to walk with the boys,” she said, slipping her phone back into her pocket. “Bye, you two. Behave yourselves, I have to get up early tomorrow.” 

They laughed and got into the car. 

Elide half-jogged to catch up. By the time she got to them, Vaughan was slinging Fenrys over his shoulder and walking away. Her friend- well, she didn’t know if  _ friend  _ was right, but anyway. Lorcan waited for her and they walked slowly, Elide’s bag swinging between them. 

“So, how was home for you?” 

“Not too bad,” Elide said, looking up at him. “Got to see some old… friends and the like.” 

He hummed and nodded his head, “Yeah. It’s nice to visit home.” 

She nodded and bit her lip, “Essar and Dresenda are Ozuye, too, right?”

“Yeah, but they’re also Bogdano, like Fen.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know that Fen was Bogdano.” 

They walked and chatted to the intersection. Elide would turn off and Lorcan would walk straight on. She nodded towards the rolled paper in his hand, “Is that for me?” 

“Sure is,” Lorcan handed it to her and she turned to see it in the streetlight. He peered over her shoulder as she unrolled it. 

A soft gasp left her when she saw it. It was a picture of Elide, bent over a long leg with a tattoo gun. Aelin leaned forward too, holding her hair back as she kissed the back of her sister’s head. Elide was smiling. 

“It’s the tattoo you did for Ash, Golden Girl?” 

“Lorcan…” she breathed. He watched her cheeks, and though amazement and tears glassed her eyes, there was no flush. “This is amazing. I love it.” 

He grinned, even as his heart sunk. “You think?” 

Elide spun on the toes of her Demonias and her skirt twirled, “Yes. You’re so good, Salvaterre.” She rose to kiss his cheek and whispered, “I’ll frame it in my studio.”

“You flatter me, Lee.” 

She rolled her eyes and stepped backwards, pushing him away. “Good night, stupid.” 

They parted. Lorcan flipped the hood of his sweater up as he crossed the street and looked back at her. 

She had stopped by the street corner and looked down at her phone. His picture was held beneath her arm and it was slightly crunched. High on her cheeks, that same blush pinked. 

He clenched his jaw and looked away. 

Lorcan regretted looking back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting into the plot and i am SO excited hehe <3
> 
> powwows are culturally significant events for lots of native nations, but especially plains natives (Blackfoot, Arapaho, Assiniboine, Cheyenne, Comanche, Crow, Gros Ventre, Kiowa, Lakota, Lipan, Apache, Cree, Ojibwe, Sarsi, Nakoda, and Tonkawa). there is lots of different types of dancing and for lorcan's sisters (my oc's) i chose jingle dress ! they're called jingle dresses because of the metal cones sewn onto the skirts that make noises when the dancers dance <3 here is a video about its roots: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgS9veBDOhE and here is a video of someone performing a jingle dress dance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGfA82hTwGw
> 
> songs played in chapter (by order of appearance):  
> 1\. Territorial Pissings - Nirvana


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: recreational drug use (marijuana)

_ five years ago  _

It was cold outside the Vaults. Elide rocked back and forth on her shoes, watching the street. 

Yrene wouldn’t stand her up. Yrene would never do that. 

Her breath puffed out in front of her face. Her slim shoulders were curled in and her arms crossed. Even though Elide was wearing her faux-fur coat, the cold still pierced her bones. 

As she shivered and waited, Elide heard a familiar howl and looked up with a half grin on her black-painted lips. 

She hadn’t seen the whole punk-ish gang in a few weeks. Lorcan had been quiet. Fenrys, persistent as always, but... subdued. Muzzled. Vaughan messaged her once, asking if she knew where Lorcan was. 

When she’d said she didn’t know, Vaughan left her on read. 

Their boisterous tones and proud laughs preceded them as they turned the corner. Elide saw Fenrys’ dreads, gold and ruby cuffs shining off each loc. Her eyes quickly flicked upwards to Vaughan’s face and Lorcan’s harsher one beyond his cousin’s shoulder. 

She raised her hand, waving to them, but then she saw a flash of long black hair, wavy like the ocean. 

A woman, an alluring, angelic woman, came into light. Her long hair was pinned up, and shaved on the sides, though there were two long sections just above her ears that remained untouched. Black gauges stretched her lobes and countless other piercings were dotting her ears. Her eyebrows were shaved, leaving just a small, tilted teardrop. 

A blinding, all-encompassing smile stretched her face. She was tall, tall enough to slung across his shoulders. Lorcan’s arm was around her waist, his hand tucked into the back pocket of her skirt.

Fenrys bowed dramatically and the bouncer waved him in. Lorcan and the woman spoke with him for a few moments and then, Lorcan’s dark eyes slid to hers. His face froze and he stared for a moment before he looked away. As the beautiful woman walked in, Lorcan hooked his fingers in her back pocket and she laughed, pushing him away. His black-haired head disappeared and Elide dropped her arm, pursing her lips so that she wouldn’t cry. 

That would be stupid. 

“El, hey,” said a warm voice. 

Elide blinked her tears away and looked at the cab that drove away. Her girlfriend walked up to her, slipping her phone into her purse. “Yrene, hi,” she said, reaching towards her. Elide looked at her girl’s outfit, a long, dark purple skirt, and crochet triangle-top. It was the same colour as her skirt, and patterned with lavender, like the ribbon in her hair, “You look,” she lifted Yrene’s hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles, “divine.” 

Yrene laughed, her cheeks darkening, “As do you.” She gently cupped Elide’s face and kissed her. Elide wrapped her hand around Yrene’s shoulder and pulled Yrene with her as she leaned back into the wall. The tawny-brown skinned girl laughed and kissed her for a moment more before pulling up. “Come on, now. We can’t keep them waiting.” 

Elide laughed and they walked to the entrance. She subtly fixed her lipstick. “Hey, Ilias. How are you?” 

He nodded serenely, a light spark in his sea-green eyes. Elide smiled and led Yrene in. 

On the speakers, a punkified version of  _ Love Shack _ played as the early band set up and tuned their instruments. 

“Should we get a drink, first, love?” Yrene shouted, having to raise her voice above the loud, chaotic volume of the club. 

“Yes, please,” Elide answered. She took her coat off and handed it to Yrene, “Come on, I know you’re cold.” 

Those caramel, doe-like eyes rolled as she grudgingly took it and slipped it on, “Oh, you’re quite right. I’ll be back!” 

She flitted off and Elide watched her, her smile not reaching her eyes. 

She was so fucked.

☽ ☼ ☾

_ “Ess! Hurry up,” _ Lorcan yelled up the narrow staircase. At the top, there was a door to Essar’s apartment. He heard her crashing around and laughed as she swore in Ozuye and Bogdano. 

They came bursting out the door, hopping on one foot as she zipped up her boot, _ “Gods, Salvaterre, be patient, you beast.” _ Essar huffed and their eyes flashed as they looked in the mirror she had put up and fixed their hair. Satisfied, Essar walked down the stairs, tinkering with the studded belt slung around her waist, really nothing more than decoration to compliment the low-waisted black denim miniskirt.  _ “So, who’s playing tonight, anyway?”  _

Lorcan slung his arm around their hips and told her with a smile,  _ “Rolfe.”  _

Essar groaned and put their arm around his shoulders,  _ “Didn’t he and Ansel break up last night? Again?” _ The couple was notorious for that. They broke up every other week and got back together the next day, but not before the Vaults was gifted an emotional performance by Rolfe, wailing some song about a broken heart on his guitar. 

_ “Yup.”  _

_ “This is going to be a shitshow.”  _

_ “Mm-hmm,”  _ he replied, walking to where Vaughan and Fenrys were waiting by the corner. Since Fenrys couldn’t speak Ozuye, and Lorcan and Vaughan didn’t know enough Bogdano to converse, they switched to the common tongue. “You think Rolfe’s going to do an original song tonight?” 

Fenrys shook his head, “No fuckin’ way, man. Five bucks says it’s a cover of  _ Punk Rock Love _ .” 

“Boyo, do you even  _ have _ five bucks,” Vaughan asked, one brow raised. 

Essar sighed a long-suffering sigh. She and Lorcan walked in front the other two as they bickered, childish till their dying days. They talked about nothing in particular and Lorcan’s hand slipped into her back pocket. In high school, when Essar and their family had moved from the city of Oro to the Northern Isles, she and Lorcan had become close friends, like seeking like. 

For three years, they’d been each other’s beards, and had developed a casual relationship with physical touch. After, they had both gone to the university of Orynth, and were since out - as a nonbinary lesbian and as bisexual, respectively. 

Neither had lost the habit of casual touching, even teasing sometimes. It was just… them. “Yo, Ess, did you bring a joint?” 

Essar rolled her eyes, dark brown under dramatic eyeliner and lashes, “Yeah, but not for  _ you _ , pup!” Lorcan and Vaughan laughed. Essar slapped his stomach, bare underneath his Descendents crop top. “Don’t make fun of him, he’s baby.” He snorted and knocked his hip into hers. She pulled the joint out from behind her ear, “D’you have a lighter?” 

“Yeah, back pocket,” he said. She nodded and fished it out of his pocket. They lit the twisted tip and took two long, deep hits. 

Essar passed it to Lorcan and he hit it twice before passing it back to his cousin. Fenrys tried to get it, but Vaughan lifted it up high, “No druggies for you.” 

“Dude, c’mon, just a little bit,” Fenrys said. 

“Say, tell you what, boyo,” Vaughan took a long drag, “if you’re right about  _ Punk Rock Love,  _ we’ll let you smoke, ‘kay?” 

“Deal, no take-backs!” Fenrys laughed, clapping his hands. 

Essar took the joint again and shook her head at them, “You  _ children _ .” 

Lorcan chuckled and they finished the blunt before they made it to the Vaults. Essar dropped the filter and stamped it out with their heeled combat boot before walking on.  _ “So, what’s up with you and that girl Elide?” _

_ “How the fuck did you know about that?” _

_ “Vaughan,” _ Essar chuckled.  _ “Really, what’s happening?”  _

He frowned at the ground and kicked it before petulantly muttering back,  _ “What’s up with you and Asterin Blakcbeak?”  _

She gasped and elbowed him,  _ “You monster. Fine. I give up.” _

Grinning triumphantly, Lorcan knocked his head into theirs. He looked up, smiling at the full, fat, and glowing moon, “Guys, the moon is…  _ bonkers  _ right now.” 

They all looked up and Fenrys howled, jumping up on Vaughan’s back. 

Lorcan and Essar shook their heads and turned the corner. Under a red light, there was a black vault door. A large man stood in front of it. Lorcan tugged Essar with him as his strides grew longer. He itched to be inside and have the angry music drown out his storming mind. 

He just wanted quiet again. 

Vaughan, carrying Fenrys on his back, ran past them and the older boy dropped him. Fenrys bounced up, his bleached dreads hopping all over. 

Ilias saw them and nodded, “Hello, all.” It wasn’t often that he talked, but they didn’t make a big deal out of it, only smiling, their eyelids pleasantly heavy. 

“Evening, Ilias,” Fenrys said, bowing dramatically. “Good sir, I have no money, but I—“ 

“Go in, boy,” Ilias cut him off, wishing to spare himself from Fenrys’ speech. They never made the kid pay a cover charge. 

Essar paid for the three adults and Lorcan lifted his head when something caught his eye. 

Down the sidewalk, leaning against the wall, was a black haired woman in a white and black faux-fur coat. He locked eyes with Elide and felt his smile freeze, his heart stuttering. 

His friend walked in, their arm slipping from his shoulders. Lorcan watched Elide for a second more, until he couldn’t stand it anymore. He turned and hooked his fingers in Essar’s pocket. She laughed and turned, pushing his shoulder, “Beastie!”

Essar turned back around to walk in. Lorcan smiled happily and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, resting his chin on her shoulder as well. They grumbled, but let him lean his weight onto her. He grinned a goofy, stoned grin and poked her cheek, “You  _ love _ me, Ess.” 

Laughing, Essar turned and slipped out from under his hold. She took his hands and danced,  _ “Love shack is a little ol’ place where… we can get together!”  _

_ “Love shack, ba-aby…” _ crooned Fenrys, twisting his skinny hips and pulling apart Essar and Lorcan’s hands so he could be in the circle, too, “C’mon, Lor, dance with me, sugar!” 

Despite himself, Lorcan felt his limbs loosen and danced with them both, singing along to the hardcore cover of the B-52s. The three of them casually traipsed after Vaughan. He moved with purpose through the crowd, familiar faces popping up. 

_ Love sha-a-ack, that’s where it’s at… _

_ Love shack, baby, love shack! _

A cloud of smoke hung heavy over everyone’s heads, making it difficult to focus on anything. Lorcan was stopped when Essar paused to talk to Ansel, the red-haired woman tense, her bottom lip chewed raw. Their voices were too low and the buzz around them too loud for Lorcan to hear them. He didn’t particularly care, anyway, it was the same talk every single time. 

Drowsily, he leaned his head against his friend’s and looked to the stage, where Rolfe was setting up, his mohawk - dyed a shocking turquoise - gelled into spikes. 

Ansel flitted off, shooting a lust and hatred-filled look to her boyfriend. 

Vaughan’s head popped up above the crowd, near the back where there was a small bar. Their menu was basic - beer, water, and the occasional cocktail. Hardly anyone ever actually ordered the mixed drink, asking for straight glasses of liquor. 

Lorcan steered Essar and Fenrys towards his cousin. They moved in a pack, slowly, and were distracted by a myriad of people. They stopped to talk to their friends, joking and chatting. 

Essar finally shoved Lorcan and Fenrys off of them, “Leeches.”

Both of the boys gasped in offence. They clicked their tongue and rolled her eyes at the two of them, leaving them in their wake as she walked towards Vaughan. 

Lorcan heard a warm, out-of-place laugh. He half-turned, not entirely of his own volition, and saw a familiar, pale skinned, dark haired beauty. Her hands were on the sunny woman’s hips, her smile easy and bright, her eyes crinkled. 

A slice of pain stabbed through his chest. He cleared his throat, suddenly tight. Lorcan stumbled, only staying on his feet because of Fenrys, “Yo, killer, what’s up? You good?” 

“Y-Yeah, ‘m good, just need a drink,” Lorcan mumbled, walking to the beer Vaughan held out for him. He took it and cracked the top, drinking it quickly. 

Essar leaned on the sticky bar, her forearms and hands covered in fishnet gloves.  _ “Hey, what happened? Did you see her?”  _

He couldn’t speak, so he nodded and drank the last half of his drink. “She was the girl outside. Leather pants, cropped tank-top. Black and white fur coat?” 

“Fuck. I’m sorry, dude,” Fenrys said, his pierced brow creased in worry. “I promise, I haven’t been talking to her as much.” 

Lorcan laughed breathlessly, “Yeah, you- you can forget about that. It wasn’t fair.” 

Essar put her hand on his shoulder and rubbed up and down, “Hey, c’mon, let’s bet on Ansel and Rolfe.” They turned to Fenrys, “The Casualties is so obvious, he won’t.”

As if on cue, Rolfe’s guitar’s feedback squealed.  _ “Evening, folks. This show goes out to the grrrl who broke my heart!”  _

Fenrys laughed, his hand over his mouth, “He  _ so _ is gonna. Better start rolling now, Essie!”

The blond was already doing a two-step, the little shuffling dance loose and easier than it normally was. Lorcan turned his face to the side and snickered, not wanting to let Rolfe know that his ‘heartbreak’ was amusing to them. It didn’t use to be, but now it was just oh-so predictable. 

Rolfe started to play, his head bent and guitar held higher than one would normally hold it. The song was fast paced and aggressive, preluding to lyrics of a broken heart. 

Into the mic, Rolfe wailed,  _ “Into a scene, full of lies, met you there, you seem alright!” _

Fenrys whooped and roared with laughter, his reaction lost in the sea of noise surrounding them, “I told you! Bring me my drugs.” 

_ “Gave you love, gave you a heart, all you gave me was a broken heart!”  _

Vaughan snorted and slung his arm over Fenrys’ shoulders, “Yeah, yeah, you right. Let’s go now, I can’t handle Rolfe’s shit without another j.” 

Essar nodded in agreement, slipping under Vaughan’s other arm, “Literally. I only brought one though.” 

“Don’t worry,” Vaughan said, moving his arm to pat the old cigarette box he used to store his pre-rolls, “I got some.” 

_ “Broken heart, I want it back! Broken heart, I got it back,” _ Rolfe screamed, voice grungy and strained. His hands flew up and down over his guitar, sliding down the strings and strumming violently, a pick in hand.  _ “Oh my love, oh my dear, what I gave you was so dear!” _

“L, you coming?”

He looked over the crowd, spotting a black and white jacket picking its way through the throngs of people. “Uh… yeah, in a bit. ‘m just gonna talk to someone real quick, yeah? Go on, I’ll be there soon.” 

His absentmindedly given assent was readily accepted by Fenrys, who deemed that good enough and dragged the others outside, going on about something the entire time. Somehow, despite the crushed punk rocker wailing and the rabble screaming the lyrics alongside him, Fenrys’ voice was even louder. 

Lorcan rolled his shoulders, his heart pounding against his ribcage. He knew he’d been distant and cold towards Elide. He would apologise to her for that. Carefully, Lorcan made his way to the figure, expertly avoiding the mosh pit that had broken out in front of the raised stage. Of course, he could hold his own, but he didn’t particularly feel like being closed in on all sides and shoved at tonight. 

He reached Elide soon enough and tapped her shoulder, only then realising it wasn’t her. This woman, while short, was taller than Elide and her hair was riotous curls of caramel and the deepest of golds. She turned, a polite grin on her joyful face, her edges softer and rounder than Elide’s. 

“Sorry,” he yelled, so that she would hear him. “I recognised the coat and thought you were Elide!” 

The woman laughed, her head tossed back, “Don’t worry! I’m Yrene, Elide’s girlfriend.” Yrene held her hand out expectantly. 

The news hit Lorcan like a fucking freight train at full speed. His lungs seemed to collapse. A shroud of disappointment fell across Yrene’s face and her smile dimmed. Lorcan scrambled to fix it, to tell her his reaction wasn’t one of a homophobe, but of shock, “Oh, I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t know she was dating anyone!” 

Yrene’s face eased once more and she tucked a curl behind her ear. Despite the suddenly dizzying lights - they didn’t usually bother him - her blush was clear as day. “It’s new! We haven’t been dating for that long!” 

“Oh,” Lorcan nodded his head, shoving his hands into his pockets to keep them from shaking, “well, congrats to you two.” He turned to leave, but Yrene reached her hand out and stopped him. 

“I didn’t get your name!” 

Lorcan turned back and subtly shook her hand from his forearm. Over her head, just behind Yrene, Lorcan locked eyes with Elide. Too many emotions flitted across her face and her eyes for him to read. He knew his face would betray him, like it always did around her. 

Elide fit herself into Yrene’s side, pasting on a fake smile. Yrene didn’t pick up on that, but Lorcan did. “Hey, guys. I’m glad you two met, Yrene, this is Lorcan!” 

The sunny woman’s glowing eyes widened in recognition and she easily slipped her arm around Elide’s waist, “ _ Oh _ , so then you’re the… roommate’s boyfriend’s roommate?” She laughed and it was obvious to Lorcan that she didn’t mean anything by it. 

It still hurt. Still made him flinch. Still made him look at Elide and yearn to ask her too many questions that she didn’t have the answers to.

The dark eyed woman forced a laugh and nodded, “Yup. That’s him.” 

His heart cracked at that. That she couldn’t or wouldn’t correct her girlfriend and say that they were friends. 

Maybe it was just Lorcan who thought that. Maybe they’d never been friends and he’d been fooling himself. 

“Lorcan,” she said, only loud enough for him to hear, “I–” 

“I’m sorry, guys, I’ve got to meet some people.” Without another word, his chest aching with the echo of a sob, Lorcan turned and walked away from the couple. 

He pushed the door open and stepped out into the cold night. Immediately, his breath started to puff in front of him. 

“Hey, L,” shouted Fenrys. The gang was across the street, sitting on the curb. “C’mon!” Lorcan walked to them, his steps slow and jaw clenched. He sat down in front of them, on the road. Of course, obviously, they all noticed something was wrong. Fenrys offered him the half-done joint, “You want it?” 

A hoarse chuckle escaped his tight throat, “Yeah.” Lorcan took the roll from Fenrys and smoked, taking more hits than was considered proper etiquette.

“Yo, dude,” Essar said, punching his shoulder. Punching it  _ hard _ . “Don’t be that guy.” 

“Yeah,” chirped Fenrys and Vaughan. “Don’t be that–” 

“Elide has a girlfriend.” No one said a word. Lorcan continued smoking, the roach stinging his fingers, but he didn’t drop it. 

“Shit, man,” Fenrys swore, his face sad. “Are you alright?” 

Lorcan coughed, covering up the hitch in his breath, “Yeah. ‘m fine. She can date whoever she wants. ‘t’s not like it matters or anything.”  _ She isn’t mine. _

The photography student was almost slammed into the road when Fenrys launched towards him, hugging Lorcan tightly. Lorcan rolled his eyes and he still wrapped his arm around Fenrys. “I’m so sorry, L,” Fenrys whispered. 

“I’m fine. Really. Get off, boyo,” Lorcan muttered gruffly. He pushed Fenrys back and stared at the ground, his long legs crossed beneath him like a child. Vaughan blew out a long breath and pulled out his cigarette pack, passing a perfectly rolled joint to Lorcan. Before he lit it, Lorcan nodded his thanks. 

He took two deep drags and passed it to the person on his left, Essar. She shook her head, her eyes soft, “Nah, man. That’s all yours.” 

Lorcan’s grin of thanks was muffled and muted, but it was a smile nonetheless. 

☽ ☼ ☾

Everywhere she looked, Elide saw Lorcan. 

She saw his face and the pain in his eyes when she couldn’t call him her friend. 

Anneith above, why didn’t she say it? Of course they were friends, he was her best friend, if she really thought about it. 

Elide knew Yrene wanted to leave. Her girlfriend had never liked punk shows, but she said she liked to be with Elide and try to enjoy the things Elide did. Once, that idea made Elide’s heart soar, but now… 

Now it just reminded her that she and Yrene didn’t work. They were too different. Elide wanted someone who liked the same things she did. Someone she could rant about obscure punk rock history with, someone who would join in instead of making mundane hums and saying ‘that’s nice, dear’. 

Elide stepped out of the bathroom. The little room was disgusting and every inch was covered in cigarette and joint burns and graffiti. She lifted her hand to reach into her jacket pocket for the bottle of hand sanitiser she kept, only to have her hand slide against the material of her tank top. 

She looked up, eyes tracking the people for her jacket. And girlfriend, too, she supposed. 

Elide’s eyes caught on something, but it wasn’t Yrene. Lorcan and Vaughan’s heads and shoulders stuck above the crowd. She saw Fenrys’ head of blond dreads beside them, only slightly shorter than the other two.

When the trio reached the exit, Vaughan and Fenrys left first. Lorcan lingered, taking one more moment to look back. 

At that moment, their eyes locked. His face became blank, expertly so. Lorcan looked at her like he didn’t know her, like she was a stranger. 

Like she was only his roommate’s girlfriend’s roommate. 

She swallowed and somehow that broke the moment. He turned his head and walked out, not looking back again. 

Not entirely aware of herself, Elide walked as quickly as she could across the club. She kept her eyes on the black door, thinking he would be able to feel her eyes on him and have to turn back. 

It took longer than she wished to walk to the exit and Elide pushed it open, the sudden cold making her cheeks pink. She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she still had her jacket and wishing this entire night-  _ fuck _ , this entire  _ month _ , hadn’t happened. 

She looked around and saw him walking down the block, his friends ahead of him. “Lorcan,” Elide called out, but her voice was dry and cracked. Elide cleared her throat and tried again, “Lorcan, wait!” 

His shoulders tensed, like he had heard her, but Lorcan didn’t stop walking. 

She huffed, her exhale fogging in front of her. “Are you ever going to tell me why you’re mad at me or are we just not friends anymore?” Elide stared at him, his back to her. Her breath was shaky and erratic. 

Lorcan stiffened and stopped. He slowly turned to face her and there was nothing on his face. Nothing that she could read or sense anymore. Her heart cracked. “We're friends, really? I'm not just your roommate’s boyfriend's roommate?”

She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes, “You know I didn't mean it like that. It was a joke.”

“Don't do that,” he said, shaking his head, “you don't get to do  _ that _ .”

Elide lifted her arms, nearly yelling, “ _ What _ am I doing, Lorcan?! I want to make this better, I want to be your friend, but you barely look at me and you haven't spoken to me in  _ days _ .”

“I don't need this! I don’t need you in my life, I don't need to be your friend, Elide,” Lorcan shouted, matching her volume. Behind him, half a block away and in perfect earshot, his friends stood, disapproval of her and sadness for him on their faces. “I didn't ask for this. I'm giving you your space, but-  _ fuck _ ,” he said, the fight leaving him. His eyes were shrouded. “This isn't fair and you fuckin’ know it.”

Elide gestured helplessly and stepped closer to him. Lorcan mirrored her step backwards. “What isn't fair? I don't- I don't know what went so wrong.”

He snorted, his laugh cold, “ _ Really?  _ Someone as smart as you can't figure it out?”

She shook her head. 

"Hellas below and Anneith above, Lee! What the fuck?" Lorcan said, his chest rising and falling staggardly, almost like his breaths were trapped beneath his ribs. "You don't owe me shit, but you flirted with me. You- I thought you wanted the same things as me. You  _ knew _ how I felt. Was I just too late? Or was it a game to you this whole time?”

His question was genuine and Elide couldn't speak over the pain in her chest. Her ribcage collapsed into her heart, beating it down. In the moments she floundered for words and air, Lorcan's face hardened. Like he couldn't hold it up anymore, his head fell. Lorcan shoved his hands in the pockets of his black jeans and shook his head, "I'm not a game, Elide, for you to play when you're bored and you want to make someone jealous. Like, I get that I'm not a good person, but I deserve better than this. I deserve more than being  _ this _ to you.”

"What are you saying,” Elide breathed, her eyes slowly filling with tears. "You don't- you don't want to spend time together or something?" 

Lorcan sniffed and rubbed the tip of his nose. Like always, his piercings ended up twisted and Elide longed to reach out and fix them for him, even though he would probably just twist them again out of spite. "No. I'm saying... Lee, I don't want to be your friend anymore, if this is what being friends is to you. I don’t want to be hurt like that again, so. I guess I'll see you 'round, or whatever." 

Without another word, Lorcan turned and walked away. The patch of Jello Biafra grinning maniacally on the back of his jacket mocked her. Lorcan’s shoulders were bunched up and tense, his strides leaden. Elide was frozen to the spot and watched him walk away. When he reached the end of the block, the beautiful person slid her arm across his shoulders and Fenrys wrapped his around Lorcan's waist. The kid looked over his shoulder at Elide and frowned. 

Vaughan clapped his hands on Lorcan's back and said something to him that had Lorcan's body easing. The gang disappeared into the dark night and yet Elide kept watching. She could hear their boisterous voices echoing for a while after. 

☽ ☼ ☾

Behind her, Yrene’s bare, sleeping form laid sprawled out across the mattress. 

The sheets were twisted, and Yrene’s breath was deep and even. Sated. 

Elide crept out of bed and dressed her bare body in warm pyjamas. She was careful as picked up a tin box. Inside, she would find a clear container of marijuana, next to the neat pile of lighters. Her grinder would be tucked in the corner, the untouched papers between it and the side of the box. 

The dark haired girl carried it back to her desk and sat down. She tucked her legs beneath her on her desk chair and methodically prepped a joint. 

Each deliberate, practiced motion was soothing to her. Elide had had the same routine since high school.

She hummed something low as she ground up some weed and carefully put it in the cone she had made with a rolling paper. Elide deftly twisted and folded it, raising it to her lips to lick the edge and close it. She rolled the opened, filter-less end between her thumb and forefinger, quietly appraising her work before she selected a random lighter and put her things away. 

Yrene was still asleep as Elide crawled back into bed. Elide went slowly and sat on the windowsill. 

Pushing the window open, Elide wasn’t phased or bothered by the cold, bracing wind. It took a few tries for her lighter to stay lit long enough so that she could light the end of the joint. 

As she smoked, enjoying the quiet of the night, Elide thought of nothing but Lorcan. In the back of her mind, a wee voice told her to stop it, told her she shouldn’t be thinking about him with the girl she had just fucked lying sleeping beside her.

She didn’t care. 

All she wanted to know was what he was thinking about. Maybe he wasn’t thinking, maybe he was in bed with that woman or someone else, maybe he was laughing and joking with Fenrys and Vaughan. 

The one thing Elide knew was that he was not thinking about her. 

And she hated it.

☽ ☼ ☾

Five blocks away, in a creaking old house, Lorcan was sprawled across his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, one hand tucked beneath his head and one loosely holding a smouldering pipe. 

Lorcan let the smoke curl around the room and cloud it, not caring enough to smoke out of his window. At least his window was open. 

_ Coming out of my cage, and I’ve been doing just fine  _

_ Gotta, gotta be down _

_ Because I want it all  _

_ It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?  _

_ It was only a kiss… _

“Lorcan!” A fist knocked against his door. His locked door. “Open the door, it’s been an hour!” 

In response to Rowan’s foolish demand, Lorcan lazily reached over to his phone and turned the volume up, blasting  _ Mr. Brightside _ even louder. “Fuck off, Rowan.” 

The door and the empty glasses littering Lorcan’s desk rattled when Rowan started incessantly pounding the side of his fist against the wooden slab separating them. “Dude, c’mon, just turn off your rock–” 

“This is emo, you uncultured egg,” Lorcan shouted. “The fuck is wrong with you?” 

_ And I just can’t look, it’s killing me…  _

_ Jealousy, turning saints into the sea _

_ Swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis _

The knocking stopped and Lorcan half sat up, his elbow propped behind him. In the hallway, he could hear another door opening and the near silent footsteps of his cousin. Lorcan sighed shortly through his nose and flopped back onto the mattress. It bounced beneath the sudden weight. 

Lorcan lit the bowl again and smoked, craving the sting at the back of his throat. He held the bittersweet smoke in his lungs until it felt like he would explode and only then did he exhale, watching it mingle with the residual cloud of weed. 

The knocking started again, but it was softer. Vaughan’s voice was quieter, too, and he spoke in Ozuye. Lorcan rolled his eyes despite knowing he preferred his first language and knowing that it would soothe him.  _ “Lorcan, come on. Let us in. You don’t even have to talk, we can just sit an’ stuff.”  _

_ “I’m fine. I don’t need you guys,” _ Lorcan snapped back, dull anger sparking beneath the numbness. He felt numb from the evening, numb from letting Elide go when she wasn’t his to let go, and numb from smoking.  _ “I don’t want to see anyone.” _

_ “Will you just open the fucking door, you piece of shit emo wannabe,” _ Vaughan snarled, kicking the door so hard Lorcan thought it would break. 

_ Whatever, _ he thought as he held the pipe to his lips again,  _ he’s gonna have to pay the security deposit when we leave this shit hole. _

As if he had read Lorcan’s thoughts, Rowan casually called, “If he breaks that, I’m making you pay for it.” 

“What,” Lorcan yelled, jumping out of bed. He hastily put the burning bowl down and unlocked the door, opening it to two unimpressed faces. Lorcan narrowed his eyes at Rowan, “That’s not even funny, you know I’m poor.” 

Rowan chuckled and Lorcan sighed, moving to the side so they could come in. The silver-blond man turned the music down and sat on Lorcan’s bed as Vaughan came in and all but flung himself on the mattress. They looked at him, silent. 

Lorcan sighed and picked up the pipe once more, flicking his lighter over it. He inhaled and walked over to them at the same time, languidly reclining against the pillows. 

The tight feeling in his chest didn’t go away, but as he sat with his best friend and his cousin - his brother, really, Lorcan thought it might even be possible for him to move on from this… these horrible feelings. 

“I’ll get over this, right?” 

“Fuck yeah, you will,” Rowan said. 

Vaughan nodded mutely. 

It was nice of them to lie. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im.....kind of sorry for this lol 
> 
> songs played in chapter (by order of appearance):   
> 1\. Love Shack - the B-52s   
> 2\. Punk Rock Love - the Casualties   
> 3\. Mr. Brightside - the Killers


End file.
